Birthday boy

Jaxson Kolbe Hermsmeier

I remember sitting in the Dr’s office hearing the news that I could potentially never have children. My heart sank. ¾ of my uterus was filled with precancerous cells that would need to be frozen off. The pelvic inflammatory disease had left me with scars. The Dr. told us that we may as well start trying now because there was almost a guaranteed chance we would need assistance getting pregnant-we might as well get the aggravation out of the way early so that after we were married we could start treatments. {Very unconventional, & truly sinful, I know}

How could this be? I was about to be married in only 6 months.

The life I lived, one not consecrated to God but to the god of this world, satan, had left me vulnerable and broken. My sins had caught up to me and now I ran the risk of Never. Having.  Children.  

I cried. Brian cried.

I remember sitting on the bed together and hearing Brian break down to God; the same God I was feeling tug at my heart--& the same God he had denied the existence of for his entire life.

Brian grabbed my hand and prayed, fell to his knees and poured his heart out to God. We decided to have try and have a baby.

My cryosurgery was scheduled for the following month. The news of the possibility of never having chilren threatened to rip our souls out and we longed for a baby. We were sinning against God, but at that moment in our life, we had no idea about the life that He offered.

We knew one thing—we wanted a baby.

Imagine our surprise 6 weeks after the cryosurgery when I fainted and had to be taken to the Emergency Room when we were told, “You’re pregnant, 5 weeks”. I was 1 week pregnant during the surgery—the surgery could have killed the baby but it didn’t…praise God it didn’t.

We were ECSTATIC. The news had us beaming, from ear to ear.

A baby.

A little bouncing baby.

Wow.

Tomorrow this little boy is turning 5, the little boy we never knew we wanted so badly—until the moment we were faced with the possibility of never having him.

Jaxson Kolbe.

Today we know that the decision we made to sin against God needed forgiveness, that this little boy was formed out of wedlock and we have humbly fallen before the throne. But, we look in his beautiful, crystal blue eyes and we just fall in love every moment. We are so grateful for the forgiveness of God, and for the chance to be parents.

Who knew 5 years later we would be the parents of almost 5 children?

I tell you who…GOD. And He worked it out to bring Him praise and glory.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Romans 8:28

We could have continued down the path we were on…drugs, alcohol, living in the lusts of the flesh, never knowing the Creator of the Universe, the Wonderful Counselor, the Savior of our sinful souls.

But, God had other plans for our life. He had plans to use us, for His kingdom, and we humbly serve Him today.

Today, we have 2 children saved, one of which is little Jaxson Kolbe.

He loves the Lord with His whole heart, and had we continued living in the life we were living, there’s no telling when his life would have turned over to the Messiah.

But, praise God He has been raised since infanthood in admonition of the Lord. Praise God that Jaxson didn’t have to live a life not knowing who the God of the world truly is—savior of his sinful soul.

He is our sweet boy, our little doodle bug and he holds such a huge piece of my heart in his tiny little hands.

His eyes are so very blue, and his voice so very sweet. He loves his momma and his baby sister, like A LOT.

He loves Transformers and Spiderman.

He says please and thank you; seriously whenever he speaks. He has manners like you’ve never seen in a 5 year old {or so his unbiased mother thinks, wink wink}

He is a true blessing, as any child is that is given from above, and my heart is heavy as I watch him grow up, leave babyhood and enter into boyhood. I welcome this new stage, as it is a season I must endure, but I relish in the moments that I have had with him and will forever hold them close to my heart.

“Giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified and made us fit, to share the portion which is the inheritance of the saints in the light. He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son.

Colossians 1:12-13

Now prepare yourself for a massive amount of pictures … and to say “awe” like 1,000 times 

 

Maternity shots

 

7lbs 8oz

 

Daddy’s boy

 

Blue eyed boy

One of my favorite pix ever of me and Jax

Think he enjoyed that chocolate?

His first birthday

 

Gentleness

You can learn many things from children.  How much patience you have, for instance. 

~Franklin P. Jones

I’ve been participating in Women Living Well’s Gentleness Challenge since yesterday, and even on day 2 I feel so completely thankful for the blessings I have been given.

I admit a serious shortcoming of mine as a mom—I’m a yeller. Hands down it’s my biggest weakness as a parent.

Yelling.

Screaming at times.

Sometimes I’ve reached decibels I didn’t know were possible. The fury just rises within me and bursts out before I even know what’s happening.

Well, Courtney challenged us as Mom’s to be gentle with our words, uplifting.

I don’t want anyone to think I am ungrateful for these blessings of mine, but when they would do something that would be so crazy I would not handle the situation in the most ideal way.

For instance: a few years ago my oldest locked himself in the bathroom and poured toilet bowl cleaner all of the bathroom. Mind you he was 7 at the time, certainly old enough to know better than to do such a thing.

A few months ago I pulled out {again} my oldest son’s dresser only to find an ENTIRE package of gum, chewed up and spit out behind it. Omgsh I was so upset.

There was a time when Hayley took PERMANENT marker and drew ALL over the walls in the school room, omgsh, ALL OVER THE WALLS.

Again, tears of fury streamed down.

Well, yesterday I devoted to being gentle. No matter what crazy, ridiculous, childish thing they do, I will not overreact. And in 2 days I have been challenged and tried and have ACTUALLY stood strong {big ‘ol smile}

Yesterday, Jaxson comes to me and says, “Mommy, I am sorry for overflowing the toilet”.

My response is of course, “oh no.” I could feel the fury rising within me. “What did you do?” I asked; to which he sweetly replied, “I flushed the construction paper down the toilet”.

Oi vey. He couldn’t possibly have known not to do this, but even if he had, a gentle answer was what he received.

And today, before school I hear Jordon {the oldest} in the bathroom flushing the toilet 3 TIMES. Again I say, oi vey.

So, I go in and the toilet is overflowing. He had used AN ENTIRE ROLL OF TOILETPAPER to wipe himself.

For the love of goodness, seriously? I thought at that moment, “God I am not cut out for this gentle thing.” But, I can do all things through He who gives me strength {Phillipians 4:13} and I indeed gave him a gentle reminder that if he needs help, he can most certainly ask. He’s never too old to ask for help.

I breathed a sigh of relief…..GENTLENESS

I didn’t think I could do it, and it’s only been 2 days, but guess what. I feel so joyous. I don’t feel overworked, tired, anxious as to when the kids will work my nerves to the bone.

I am so thankful I saw Courtney’s post and took the challenge. I am so thankful even more that our Creator is so gentle with us! I can take some serious lessons from Him!

 

Girly Girl, frills and thrills

"A daughter is a miracle that never ceases to be miraculous… full of beauty and forever beautiful… loving and caring and truly amazing."

- Deanna Beisser

She was is so full of energy.

She is so full of love.

She is sweet yet sassy, tough yet sensitive and her big blue eyes hold my heart captive.

She is Hayley Peyton and she is one of the greatest joys God has blessed me with. She is almost 3, and she is at that special place where she is independent yet still wants to cuddle on my lap {which I will ALWAYS relish in}. She LOVES to play dress up and even more she loves to play with all things boy. She growls at me when she doesn’t want to do what I ask and she shrieks with excitement when she sees something girly she wants. This morning, the sheer joy that she radiated at seeing my painted nails was breathtaking. Such a small little thing, but to her little world, it was magical. 

When Daddy came home and asked her what she did during the day, she exclaimed with pure joy, “I paint my nails”. 

 

Oh how my heart thanks God for His perfect gift of children. The love He instills in us, as parents, for these little beings that He has given us to raise for such a short time.

Father God, you have given me such a perfect gift and I thank you every single moment. I ask that you walk with me as I raise these children that are first and foremost your children, given to us for such a short time to raise in admonition of your Holy name. Hayley is so sweet, and please just give me the strength to keep her always in your Word, feminine and true to what you made her as …. A daughter of the risen King! Amen