Love Dare

What does love mean to you? 

What does marriage mean to you?

Is it long-suffering? Is it patient? Does it know NO end? 

It's been a difficult road for me, as I learn to love my husband the way I am called to. I have always given him what I thought he deserved, never what Christ said he should be given. If he upsets me or hurts my feelings, I always thought it was okay to do the same. An eye for an eye, right? If he hurt me, you best believe I was going to hurt him. 

Honestly, this mentality rang true for every relationship in my life, until very recently. 

Not too long ago God pulled the scales off of my eyes. He showed me what true love is and He instilled truth in me--His truth. 

I wasn't loving anyone in my life. I wanted to believe it was because I didn't know how to love; that I had never been properly taught. That might be the case, but it's not an excuse to continue living in sin. God gave me all that I need to love properly, whether any other human modeled it for me or not--Jesus in His human state did. He hung on a cross, in human form, and He loved in a way I can model my life after. He gave His life for me, and I want to give my life back to Him. 

Giving my life back to Him means I love in the way He loves--without regard to what someone else has done. I do not hold grudges, I do not hold an account as to what someone has done--I am not a clanging cymbal. 

I simply.....love. 

I am participating in a bloggers challenge where each day a blogger will tackle one of the 40 love dares. I am day 20, and we are currently in day 3. So much truth was revealed through that book, and through the movie Fireproof--but so much MORE truth is revealed when you follow Christ and read the Word. I long to emulate the love that He showed, and I long to become the woman He formed me to be in my mother's womb. Will you join us? 

Check out my instagram each day, _gingermom5_ for the current dare and join along as we learn to love our spouses the way God called us to! 

Passion brings peace

As we pulled out of the driveway I felt this wave of pure exhaustion flood through my body. The overwhelming, constant feeling that I was drowning had become so prevalent in my life, I often looked around, it seemed like, aimlessly for my life preserver. 

God has truly come through in magnificent ways and He always tosses a life saving device my way and I am instantly flooded with peace. 

It was that peace I longed for. 

That peace I hoped this weekend away would provide. 

It was that peace that I gained and oh so much more. 

You see, when you love someone you can at times forget that your spouse or significant other needs and longs for things that only you can provide. 

God meant it this way. 

Not in a dependent, can't function without one another kind of way, but in a God gave the two of you to each other to fill things within each other--things you can't fill within yourself. 

Brian fills me in ways that I don't even know I need filling sometimes. I have no question that HE is absolutely the man God wanted for my life to help shape me into the woman God wants me to be. Without Brian, the earthly strength that God uses in His so of perfect ways, I truly don't think I am half the woman I am with Him. I don't see it as a weakness, I see it, him, as one of my greatest strengths. The team we are together, the strength we give to each other, it's vital to our lives. 

I forgot this. 

I lost focus of the strength I could gain through Bri because Bri was going through his own personal fire and he wasn't able to be there for me. We started doing things on our own, and Bri started thinking that if he worked as much as possible, did as much good that was asked of him, any problem that arose could be muffled out by all he had already done.  He, as he relayed it to me, began placing bandaids over our problems, hoping that the damage was never too deep or serious underneath and would simply go away. He hoped that any damage would in time just fade away, as a flesh wound under a bandaid

All the while I am being expected to help in his life, my moms life, my sisters life, my nieces lives, my own children's lives, homeschool, keep up with the house and do payroll and time sheets for our business. Everyone around me seemed to continue to hand me plates and eventually my hands could hold no more plates--and not just one plate fell but a ton fell all at once.. 

So, poor Bri is just focusing on one thing at a time because he's so worried about all of these band aids he's placed over our relationship, and I'm on overload feeling like my worlds crashing around me because my sweet support is unable to be there for me. 

Needless to say, we both stopped truly caring about one another. We stopped caring about our tone of voice. We stopped caring about opening doors. We stopped caring about being helpful, encouraging, going above and beyond even when we're tired and feel like we have already given all we can. 

I'm guilty of giving my kids everything from sun up till sun down--but not my husband. The same is true if you ask him. Sure, we spent time together each night before bed, we enjoyed good days with one another, but we weren't taking the time to have a relationship, a passion filled relationship. 

Our relationship missed passion. 

Passion to see one another after a long day.

Passion to love deeply. 

Passion to give when no more can be given. 

Passion. Not to be mistaken with any kind of sexual passion. 

This is s passion that drives us, a passion that fills us. 

We didn't even realize we were missing it until it was simply not there. 

This weekend brought passion back. A cabin, set in the middle of no where.

A cabin filled with friends. 

A cabin filled with love. 

A time spent on one another, being kind and considerate, loving and helpful. 

A time spent loving deeply and passionately. 

And the best part, after passion comes peace--a peace that comes that whispers, "He has blessed you, appreciate it always". 

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Lifting My Husband through Prayer

Have you ever considered whether you are committing your marriage to the hands of God? I found myself in this place a few years ago and have only in the last few months tried to truly rectify my problem. I struggled so greatly to morph into this idea that I had of the perfect, God fearing wife, yet the idea I had came from my own interpretations and not the Word of God. The more I focused on my relationship with God, the more clearly I saw His will for all wives—me being one of them.

He wanted me to be my husband’s helpmate, companion, champion, friend and support. I needed to create a peaceful, restful place for him to come home to {this one I’m still working on, thus my gentleness challenge}.

I needed God to teach me to take care of myself and continue to be attractive to him. I needed to become a creative and confident woman—one who is rich in mind, soul and spirit. 

 He should be proud to say that I am his wife—not label me “the old ball and chain”.

I needed to lay all of my expectations down at the cross and release the burden from my husband of fulfilling me in the areas that only HE could.

I needed to accept him the way that he is and not change him…the changing needed to be the Spirit and not the nagging wife.

I needed to accept that neither of us is perfect and never will be. Only our Lord is and I needed to look to Him to perfect us both.

And finally I needed to learn how to pray for my husband and make my prayers a language of love.

Once I accepted these realities, our marriage began a new course; one that was centered on Christ, and not ourselves.

He is truly the man that God gave me as my soul mate and I am so thankful to His ordainment in our lives. For without Him, I would have missed out on the one of the greatest gifts of my life. 

 (this was 3 years ago, WOW) 

We as wives hold a special place in our husband’s life. We are the one in which God gave to help through his time here on earth—until we both meet our first soul mate, The Savior.

If we just stop fighting against our husband’s, stop trying to fill the role that God gave them, our marriages would not be in the state they are in today.

We are equal’s in God’s eyes, both created as good, but we were created for completely different roles. Once those roles are filled, we step out of the marriage created by this world and into the marriage set forth by God.

Excerpt from The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian (copyright 1997 by Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, Oregon 97402):

…the power of a praying wife is not a means of gaining control over your husband…In fact, it’s quite the opposite. It’s laying down all claim to power in and of yourself, and relying on God’s transforming power. This power is not given to wield like a weapon in order to beat down an unruly beast. It’s a gentle tool of restoration appropriated through the prayers of a wife who longs to do right more than be right, and to give life more than get even. It’s a way to invite God’s power into your husband’s life for his greatest blessing, which is ultimately yours, too. You have the means to establish a hedge of protection around your marriage…

Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don’t worry how it will happen…leave it in His hands.

Wow, Stormie hit the nail right on the head. I pray that my marriage is blessed by God’s loving and gracious hands and that each of you, whether married or not, experience a marriage completely consecrated to His hands. May He lead your marriage to this place or may He lead a man devoted to Him into your path!

 

A Crown on my Husband’s Head

Learning to be a wife in the eyes of the Lord is something extremely hard for me. I look around at family member’s marriages, friend’s marriages, celebrity marriages, and none of them seem to be examples of what the Lord calls of me, for wives.

I’ve struggled greatly to step into this role.

His Word tells us exactly what we are to be, and the best description I have found I stumbled upon this morning during my morning reading time. I subscribe to various encouraging email devotions that I receive daily and I praise God for Courtney at Women Living Well. Although I didn’t even realize I needed to hear this Scripture, He worked right through her.  

A simple Scripture can speak volumes in our life; and this one did for me today…..

“A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown.”

Proverbs 12:4

What does this mean? How do I live this out? How do I become the crown my husband proudly wears on his head?

Questions began spinning around my head and I began to weep … am I that crown or am I a thorn in his side? Does my noble character bring him praise or heartache?

As I reflected on what this verse said, God opened me up to what exactly He calls of a woman; and it’s quite different than what this world has created a wife to be.

{In my opinion….}

A virtuous woman should seek to be pious and prudent. She should seek the good of her family and look well upon her duties in the home. She should be a woman that is of the Spirit, living out the nature of God through her relations with those around her; whether it is her children, her husband, her friends or her family. She bears many crosses without disturbances and does not grow weary of doing well for her family. She is not only a credit of honor to her husband, as a crown is an ornament, but she supports and strengthens his authority in the family, as a crown is an ensign of power. She is submissive and faithful to him while teaching her children to be as well. She is reverent to the Lord and thus obeys because of the love that He gives her.

This was a lot to swallow. I couldn’t believe the lack of obedience I’ve showed in this area. My heart was heavy and I immediately called Brian to apologize and tell him of my revelation, and I was not prepared for his respone.

{God’s mercy and grace never cease to amaze me}

This husband who I felt I had failed so miserably simply laughed and gave me the most encouraging words I could ever have hoped to hear at that moment …

“Babe, you know what the greatest part about you is, that I don’t see in women today, is that you always go to His word for strength, and when His word leads you to a convicting aspect, you humbly admit your weakness. You do not boast in yourself and say ‘I am a good wife, I am a good mother, I don’t need to change anything for anyone, accept me as I am.’ You say exactly what God would have you say and that is, ‘I cannot do this without your guidance.’ And that is exactly what He gave you today. You are everything I have ever wanted and I love you dearly.”

Wow, and so I wept some more.

Thank you Lord for the love you show me at every moment, through every person of my life. Thank you for this man that I can call my husband, for as long as you allow us to have here on this earth. I am alive today because of you and I desire only to faithfully serve you each and every day.