Remain in Him

Remain In Him

We have been meeting with 3 incredible God fearing friends for over a year now for a bible study on Thursday nights. Recently 2 new people joined our adventure and we are so thrilled to share our lives with each other.

We have completed 3 bible studies so far, the first one started our journey. It was titled “What to do when you don’t know what to do”. It was incredible for the beginning of our journey. We then ventured into Crazy Love by Francis Chan. AMAZING! It had so much in it, so much love poured out of that study. Next we studied the book of Romans. Again I say simply, AMAZING! The Christian guidebook basically. We are now studying from Experiencing God by Henry and Richard Blackaby.

One word sums up this study—WOW! We have only just begun; only in Unit 1 of 12 right now. The first page of the study screams at you; screams for you to join God in a love relationship.

I thought I had a love relationship with God. I thought I was loving Him simply by turning my life over to Him. I quickly learned that I needed a personal relationship with Him, just as I do with any other person in my life. Jesus is my best friend, my shoulder when I need someone. Jesus is my Redeemer; delivering me from the bondage I called my life.

Real Christianity is not simply a “religion” one picks up; it is a personal relationship with a Person. Jesus is that Person. He is my way, my truths, my life.

Each unit has a memory verse. This unit’s verse is from John.

“I am the vine, you are the branches, if a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit. Apart from me you can do nothing” John 15:5

Did it scream at you the way it did me?

I can do nothing without Him. He is my source for everything. Apart from Christ, I can do NOTHING. I cannot live this life without Him. I cannot love anyone without Him. I cannot forgive anyone without Him. I cannot function without Him.

This was a wakeup call to me. I humbly come before Christ every morning and ask that His will be done in my life. Only His will. Because, apart from Him, I have no will of my own. I desire to remain steadfast in Him, in His truths, in His light.

Love the Lord

Loving the Lord my God with all my heart

6 years ago my life was in complete opposition to where it is now. I was in the lowest point of my life; and desperately searching for love. Today, I know that God invites us into a love relationship with Him, and it’s His love that fills us; but we must ask Him to come into us. I didn’t have this knowledge then as I do today. I thought I did. I thought I was saved. But the truth is, I wasn’t ready for Him to come in to my life. I wasn’t ready to give my life over to Him.

I realize more and more each day what an amazing, merciful, rich God we have. Every day I stumble and every day He lifts me back up; never because of something that I have done but because He is a faithful and trustworthy God. He has promised us since the beginning that if we would just humble ourselves and call His name, He shall be there for us; heal our lands. What an amazing promise. How amazing that He loves us so much that He will step in every time. He is faithful whenever called upon.

That realization is so comforting to me today. When I look back at so many moments in my life when I could have simply called upon Him my heart hurts. My heart aches for the mistakes made; the lessons learned that could have been avoided simply by calling out His name. For so long I actually thought I was loving Him, and still couldn’t understand how He could allow the things He allowed. I looked at my life, around the world and all I could see was heartache, lives being destroyed. I cursed him at times, although I didn’t even know that was what I was doing. I wanted so desperately to blame someone for my life; for the trials I endured. Who better than the all-knowing, all powerful God to step in and “stop” my hurt.

What a selfish mindset. How self-centered for me to think that this God who I had cursed, who I had spat on, one whose laws and commandments I broke with my every breath should come in and “fix” my life. Yet, I never asked Him to. I never vowed to live my life according to His purposes. I never promised to love Him with my whole heart, keeping His commandments at the center of my life; but I wanted desperately for Him to come and change it.

Christ asks one thing of us, to “love the Lord our God with all our heart, with all our soul with all our mind,” (Matthew 22:37-38) yet we don’t want to live our life the way He says we should. I know I didn’t live like this. I know I wanted Him, claimed Him as my savior but never once tried to change my life. I never once tried to bear His fruit, allowing Him to harvest the good from me.

How we are living our lives is a true testimony to whether we have the love of Christ in us. Not whether we say we love Him, but whether we are willing to admit that we cannot function without Him; that our life is nothing if it isn’t revolving around Him. So many people are lukewarm today; they say they love Him yet their life doesn’t resemble any of His commandments.

I don’t want to live like this. I want His love to shine forth from my very existence. I want everyone to look at me and see someone different than the rest of the world. This is my vow to Him; to love Him so deeply that He can change the deepest parts of me.

His is mighty

He is a mighty and loving God.

He is rich in mercy.

He is powerful and everlasting.

His grace is sufficient for all of our needs.

These statements have rang so true to me lately. He loves us so deeply and so immensely that it's hard to wrap my insignificant minds around sometimes. I feel so completely unworthy, all of the time.

His mercy pours out on us, even when we stumble, fall. He still reigns down His gracious, merciful hands upon our every endeavor.

He is the most powerful and everlasting being. There is nothing that He cannot do. He never ends, His love never dies.

When I feel weak, lost, as though I can no longer push forward, His grace reminds me that He is there. He can meet every single one of my needs.

I stand in awe of Him, gleaming from one ear to the other. The smile that is on my face is permanently set there by His capable hands.

Are you feeling this way today? Are you allowing Him to meet your needs? To love you the way He created you to love?

I'm trying, with every breath I take, with every step I make, I am trying to honor the living breathing God of the universe.

Time with God

I'm doing this bible study called Experiencing God. And I can honestly say, I am experiencing Him in new ways every day. Each day He is revealing something new to me that I previously did not know. I hear Him in new and exciting ways.

This week's study has focused on a love relationship with God, walking with Him, pursuing Him. One thing that stood out to me as I read today is "making time for God." How often do we make time for Him? How often do we set time aside just for Him? I've been battling with myself, with my sinful nature, on how to set aside time for Him. Do I rise up early? Do I stay up late? What is He calling me to do? What season of life am I in right now?

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8.

I've come to realize, and I truly believe from His insight, that the season of life that we are in shapes our days, our weeks, our hours. The season of life that I am in right now shapes my every day life. I have small children, babies, up often in the night, and getting up early in the morning today is not what I can do. But, I can spend quality, important time with Him whenever I choose. I can make time for Him in the middle of my day, when the babies are napping. I can make time for Him with a cup of tea as I sit holding my little Lily in the morning. I can read to my children, first thing in the morning, engaging them in God's word, not keeping it just to myself.

I realized today, that my struggle to spend time with God is not a scheduling problem, it is a love problem. Do I love Him enough to stay home during the day to make the time for Him? Do I love Him enough to not go swimming at the lake, or the pool so that I can be home and read when I am called? Do I love Him enough to stay up late, ending my day with Him? Do I love Him enough to take a walk with the kids, stretching out on a blanket and reading quietly and to them?

The answer is, OH YES! I will not commit myself to anything except Him. He is my reason for living, and I must make Him my reason. Time with Him enriches and deepens the relationship that I already have with Him. I will not worry myself about "what time" but simply "make time" every day!

My Hope is IN the Lord

But I will hope continually, and will praise you yet more and more.

---- Psalm 71:14

I find myself so often in this world being overwhelmed with angst. How will we pay this bill? How will we buy food? How will my children stand strong in the Lord's word? I'm realizing little by little, and always in His oh so precious time, that my hope is in Him, not in anything that we can do ourselves.

No matter what my situation looks like, I will always place my hope in His capable hands. I will not beat myself up over our circumstances, thinking we are somehow failures. There are many people in this world who can pay what they need to pay with no problems. I used to find myself coveting their lives. Wanting so desperately to be in a financially "peaceful" place. I'm finding myself at ease recently with our circumstances. I'm finding myself now asking of those same people, where is their hope? Is their hope in their job, their boss? Is their hope in the spouse that is the "bread winner"? Or is their hope in the Almighty Sovereign God that promises abundant blessings to His followers?

Well, I don't know where their hope is, but I can tell you where mine is.

1 month ago Brian left his job. Some may say, why in the world would he have done this? I asked myself the same thing. But, he didn't wake up one day and say, "hmmm, I don't like this job anymore, I'm going to quit and we'll just wing it." For the first time in my life, ever, I allowed my husband to make a decision that he with all of his heart believed God was calling him to do. Now, was God "calling" him to quit his job? I'm not sure entirely. But, I do know without a doubt that what God was calling him to do was follow Him. To give up his possessions, his material/earthly things and take up his cross with Him. So, we did this. Without doing something so out of the norm for us, without stepping out on faith, our lives were really just "talk". We had no idea what it meant to place all of your trust and faith in God.

Are we struggling. Yes. Do I see an end in sight; here on earth, no.

But, I do see the light from our Heavenly Father. I do see the light that He illuminates on His life and want desperately to live with Him.

So, my hope is in the Lord, and I will praise Him each day. My hope is in the goodness of my Father, the provision of my Savior.

My hope is not of this world, where is yours?

My sweet companion

I'm realizing each day that God always has a reason for why things happen in our life. I am realizing that although I met Brian in a dark and terrible place, the place that we are heading towards is a place lit by the glow of our Heavenly Father. Our relationship started off in ways contrary to what God asks of us. His commands are clear on the matter. But, I also know that He was there with us during the beginning and although we were living in a manner not conducive to what was good and holy to Him, He has blessed us immensely now because of our faithfulness.

When I look at Brian, I see strength. And this isn't strength because He's so strong or works out constantly. The strength in Him comes from the indwelling Holy Spirit. The Spirit that has changed us both so much. I look at my husband now, where we are in this season, and I see the head of my house and I willingly submit to Him and stand confident that He is making decisions based on what he feels Christ is doing in our life. I know that my faith is in Christ and therefore my husband cannot lead us astray. God is leading everything we do in our life, and He does this through the hands of my loving and devoted husband.

I loved Brian when we first met, but mostly I lusted after Him. It wasn't until I saw the true love of Christ that I was able to truly love my husband. And I love him so immensely now! I long to see the changes manifest in him, long to see as his desire for Christ grows and strengthens. I long to see him lead our family towards and eternity with the Risen and Holy King.

We made a covenant before God, to love one another till death parts us. There is no other option for us, and my heart rejoices with this idea. The question that plagues so many women today, "what if he leaves, what will I do with my life?" this isn't a question that I live with. It's not an option for us. Not because we are better than anyone else, but because we finally our priorities in line. Our first love, is not one another, it is for our Redeemer. It's only after proclaiming that love that we can truly love one another.

Renewal

This weekend I spent time with a dear and wonderful friend and her husband. We went to the home school convention at the Greater Richmond Convention Center. The convention was put on by a group called Heav, who gives support and encouragement to homeschooling parents. To say that my eyes were opened truly does no justice to the work that He started inside of me. Let me give some back history and then go towards the new, here goes .....

3 1/2 years ago the shameful life I was living came to a head. I met my husband at the darkest, lowest point of my life. I had dropped out of college with only 1 1/2 yrs left, was living for everything that God despises. The spiraling out of control started my Sophomore year in college. I had demons in my past that I thought I had dealt with, that I truly thought were dead and gone. But, nothing truly dies without Christ coming in and crucifying us. As much as I thought I had "dealt" with my past, nothing could be dealt with until I handed it over to Him. And that I was not willing to do.

I didn't realize how deep the scars went, how deep the emotional baggage was buried until I started drinking heavily, getting myself into the most common situation for women in college--alcohol induced date rape. The part that I focused on entirely was that my whole life consisted of someone wanting to abuse me in some form. , that's all men wanted with me. What was wrong with me?

I can look back now and see exactly what was wrong with me. I had no trust and faith in the goodness of my Lord and Savior. I believed that I simply had my life under control, that the best way to "forget" my past was to drink, party and have sexual relations with any and every man that would be willing to engage with em. It was obvious to me that this was all that I was meant for in this life. God has forgotten me, I needed Him only in ways that uplifted me and what I was doing. Like so many people today, I thought it was enough that I believed in Him. I thought my salvation was secured in simply "believing that He died" but I didn't have to actually change my life.

The 3 years following that terrible night my Sophomore year led me into a life that was so wrong, so disgusting that until recently I haven't been able to talk about what I went through, what I engaged in. I became a woman who valued everything that my God frowned upon.

It was during that dark and dreary time that I met the only man who has ever respected me, loved me and honored me. However, he did not do this at first. In the beginning, he saw me the same way most people would have, as a wrench who was willing to do anything to keep a man in my life. But, it was through the love of Christ that we have come out of that existence, come out of the darkness and are now living in the light. 2 years after meeting my husband, we started attending church, and I remember sitting in church and crying.

How had this happened Lord? How had the love I had for you as an adolescent turned my heart so cold? How had I traveled so far away from the God that delivered me from bondage? Why had I freely entered back into bondage?

My head was spinning with questions, but the most important one for me was, "do you still love me?" The answer, unequivocally, YES! He did still love me, He did still care for me and He would still deliver me from the bondage I was under. As tears continuously stream down my face, I know that He loves me and nothing can pluck me from His graceful hands. I know now that I want my life to reflect Him, never me. Because without Him, I'm simply a terrible woman who does terrible things.

Today, June 2011, I am a completely different person than I was 6 years ago. To see how deeply I have changed, to see how immensely my values and beliefs have changed, you yourself must have the love of Christ in you. Because without Him, looking at me will seem insane. This weekend, I saw Christ all around me. I saw Him in the faces of the people throughout the convention, I saw Him in the man I call my husband, and I saw Him in the friends I surround myself with. I realized, I don't have to do anything in particular for Christ to change me. He changes and molds in His way, on His time and we are simply the byproduct of His hands.

You may ask yourself, why is she sharing this stuff? Why is she allowing the world to see how messed up she was? The truth is, we're all messed up without Him. It is by accepting the life I lived, that I was able to see the serious need for my deliverance. If we hide behind our life and the mistakes we have made, we don't see the light of what He offers. And that light can illuminate our lives.

I thank Him for delivering me from bondage, the way He delivered the Israelite's from bondage, the way He delivered Rahab from her harlot existence. He can deliver us all from whatever it is that we are living with. All we must do is admit that we need Him. You don't have to come from a troubled background like I did. You could come from a healthy, happy childhood and still never have accepted Christ truly in your heart. You could have spent your entire life in church, "worshipping" Him yet never truly thinking you needed Him.

What I've learned this weekend is, we all need Him, equally. God doesn't see sin in degrees, we are all in desperate need of a Savior. What He delivered me from is amazing, and it is powerful. But, it is only a small reflection what He can deliver us from.

If you haven't accepted Christ, if you think you have accepted Him but just aren't ready to turn your life over completely, I assure you, you will never regret your decision. There is nothing that this life can do to us, that He cannot deliver us from. But, it must be our will to turn our lives over to Him, He will never take that will way from us. I urge you, today, accept Him. Turn over to Him, and know that He is God of all creation and He loves you today, even in your sinful life!

Blessings, Ashley

Who am I

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” Psalm 139:13

I read an interesting blog this afternoon that inspired me in many ways. The writer posed the question, "What are your dreams? What do you see yourself doing with your life?"

The answer seemed easy at first. I'm a mother, a wife. That pretty much consumes my life in the season I am in right now. But, is this all that I am? Am I defined by my children, by my husband?

I love them, and I want that love to motivate me to be the best woman I can for them, but does it define me? No, I don't think so.

This realization began a yearning to talk to God. A yearning to find out, who does HE want me to be? Who does He see me becoming?

I was forced to look at this verse closely. {God} created my inmost being, {He} knit me together in my mother's womb. What does this mean to me? What does His knitting me together mean?

I don't want to be defined by anything in this world. I don't want to be defined by a person of this world. I want to be defined by the love I have for Christ, the adoration I have for the Father; the ones outside of this world.

I don't aspire to hold the "perfect" job, a job that makes tons of money for my family. I don't aspire to hold any title seen by this world as an accomplishment.

I realized, what I aspire to most is being a strong, knowledgeable woman in Christ's Kingdom. Sounds almost simple truthfully. But, it's the richest thing I could ever do with my life.

I long to teach His word, but not in schools or education surroundings. I aspire to teach women, grow with women, embrace the role that He set forth for women. I desire to know His word like I know my own name. I crave His bread, the bread of life. I long to come alongside women, encouraging them, uplifting them and showing them that embracing a life with Christ is a life that is worth living, it is the ONLY life worth living.

What do I want to do with my life? I want to be a disciple for the reigning King, the Messiah. I want to go into the world, teaching women to die to themselves, and to live for Christ. It is my passion in life.

He is mighty

Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.-- Isaiah 40:28-31

I am so in awe of God's strength, of His sovereign power. We are so unworthy of His love, so ungracious most of the time. But, He freely gives us His power, gives us love, gives us hope when we live IN Him. I've stopped trying to wrap my insignificant mind around it and instead, I just embrace it.

There is no rhyme or reason why He loves us as much as He does. He simply DOES. He simply wants to shower us with blessings, but we must be clear that these blessings are not riches and material, earthly things. They are blessings from His kingdom, riches that bring us closer to Him. So many people believe that if God would simply shower them with money, cars, homes, then all of their problems would be fixed and they would be able to walk with Him in a closer relationship. This mindset is wrong because it focuses on the individual and not the Creator of that individual.

I am learning to let go of this world, of the riches that most people bask in. I am learning to sit back and enjoy the ride, the ride that God has blessed me with. I am learning to let God lead my life and I am enjoying every single second of it. But most importantly, I am finally learning how good God truly is.

His goodness is radiating in my life, it fills me with a peaceful assurance. This assurance can only be from His hands because in all seriousness, in my human form I should be scared, uncertain, and restless. But, I'm not. I feel His hands on my heart, I feel His love in my soul. I feel Him making my path straight. I am not weak anymore, troubles are not taking me over.

He never grows weary, He never grows tired of loving me. Because of that love I can stand strong in His path and know that although I cannot see a way, I can take His hand and allow Him to lead me. He is mighty and He is strong and that strength consumes me.

I thank you Father God for this peace, for this comfort that you give me that comes so easily for you; and although it does not come easily to me, I ask that you continue opening up these doors in my life. I ask that you continue guiding me where YOU want me to go. I will soar like an eagle, never growing weak or weary.

I will proclaim your mighty word, speak your goodness to a dying world. You are my anchor on which I grab hold of for everything.

True love

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. -- Ephesians 5:33

Learning to love my husband, truly love my husband, was something I never imagined I would need to do. We were married because we loved each other, right?

The answer is simple: no.

How could we truly love one another, we didn't have Christ in our heart. It is not possible to truly love someone when you don't truly know what love is. Love is not a feeling, it is an action that was set forth on a wooden cross, a redeeming action that saved man kind. This action was set forth by our Lord and Savior and is something that I learn each and every day.

Respect was new to me as well. I was always taught that someone must earn respect before they are given it. I cannot tell you the number of times I thought this was true in my life. My marriage was no different. If my husband would do something that I did not like, would hurt my feelings, I would, and still at times do, turn my heart cold and refuse to love him. I simply didn't want to.

What would I have done with my life it Christ had decided that I was simply not good enough to love, if a sin that I had in my life was too great that I was not worth saving? Thankfully I do not have to worry about this "what if", but at the same time, I must love my husband in that fashion. I must love him simply because I am loved.

This realization has opened up my soul to allow my husband in regardless of whether or not I believe "he deserves" my love or not. Because, truth be told, none of us are good enough for the all consuming love of the Father either, but He freely gives it and we must freely give it too.

Watching Christ take a hold of my husband has been something that has opened up a new vessel of loving for me as well. He is a new man. A man reborn in the blood of the Savior. He is washed clean and he is walking towards an eternity with the Father. The love that he pours out now, the love he shows me now, solidifies the love that Christ has for us, for His bride's.

Watching as my husband is making a decision and the first place he goes is prayer, it's amazing. My husband loves food, loves coffee, and for the first time in His life He has surrendered every desire, every urge over to Christ to take hold of. He cannot make a decision now without the love of the Father, and it's inspiring to a wife who longs to respect and love her husband. I am able to give him more because Christ gave His everything.

I now know what true love is, I experience it every single day. It's not the love a mother feels for her child, it's not the lust a man and woman feel for one another when they are first married--it's a sacrificial love was magnified and modeled by our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.