My Longing

Longing ….

Well, it’s happened again. I’ve gone weeks without writing. You know the worst part for me right now; I long to write every single day and NEVER put the time aside for it. This is a hard lesson I’ve learned in the last few weeks….

I long to do things that I simply do not make the time for.

I long to take a shower first thing in the morning, yet after a tiring and unrested night of sleep I cannot seem to wake early enough to share and start my day. I often wait until random times during the day when I can sneak in a nice hot shower—usually when the girls are napping the afternoon. Now, don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with this, but it doesn’t really help me wake and start my day.

I long to organize my house; but it seems that every time I try I seem to make a bigger mess. Often times I realize how desperately I need some tote or storage container and end up getting upset that I do not have said container. Out of pure irritation now because I have coveted something I do not have, I leave the mess I just created and walk away.

I long to spend more time with my hubby; however there just don’t seem to be enough hours in the day. Bri is working 6-7 days a week right now; often 12 hour days. This does not leave much time for the two of us. When he is home he’s tired, sleeping or deep in the word and we simply cannot cuddle on the couch the way we used to when we first started dating. Oh how I miss those days. We would snuggle on the couch for hours, no place to go, no person to interrupt our time together. Now our lives are so crazy there doesn’t seem to be any time to just love one another. I need to make this happen more! I need to make time for my sweet, adorable hubby!

I long to write more; to sit at my computer and just let the words flow as Christ gives them. Far too often I have a child running around me feet and just can’t seem to find the time to write, uninterrupted. That might be the problem right there. I often want to write for “me” and not on the experiences of my children and what they are going through each day and I selfishly want them to just stop so I can write. I need to change that mindset!

I long to speak with women about abuse and the freedom that is found in Christ Jesus and the grace that He showed on the cross. I long to tell other women what He delivered me from so that they may see that His grace is sufficient for them as well. Recently I have felt myself shying away from speaking to people because I have not wanted people to “look” at me in a negative light. But I am reminded that it doesn’t matter what light the world sees me in, it’s the light I have that is Christ’s that matters.

And most importantly …. I long love Christ with my whole heart. He is my Sustainer and my Redeemer and my longing at every moment is simply to experience Him!

Christ opens me up each day to amazing and encouraging revelations. I often shy away from speaking these revelations because I am so often met with opposition. I want this to change—not the opposition because that is to be expected, but I want to stop worrying about what others may think of something I have said or done in the name of Christ our Lord. I serve Him and His kingdom and not man.

Only I can make the time for the things I want to do and only Christ can fill me with the strength I need to accomplish what I set out for. He is the way!

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

Philippians 4:13