Monday, June 10, 2013

Passion brings peace

As we pulled out of the driveway I felt this wave of pure exhaustion flood through my body. The overwhelming, constant feeling that I was drowning had become so prevalent in my life, I often looked around, it seemed like, aimlessly for my life preserver. 

God has truly come through in magnificent ways and He always tosses a life saving device my way and I am instantly flooded with peace. 

It was that peace I longed for. 

That peace I hoped this weekend away would provide. 

It was that peace that I gained and oh so much more. 

You see, when you love someone you can at times forget that your spouse or significant other needs and longs for things that only you can provide. 

God meant it this way. 

Not in a dependent, can't function without one another kind of way, but in a God gave the two of you to each other to fill things within each other--things you can't fill within yourself. 

Brian fills me in ways that I don't even know I need filling sometimes. I have no question that HE is absolutely the man God wanted for my life to help shape me into the woman God wants me to be. Without Brian, the earthly strength that God uses in His so of perfect ways, I truly don't think I am half the woman I am with Him. I don't see it as a weakness, I see it, him, as one of my greatest strengths. The team we are together, the strength we give to each other, it's vital to our lives. 

I forgot this. 

I lost focus of the strength I could gain through Bri because Bri was going through his own personal fire and he wasn't able to be there for me. We started doing things on our own, and Bri started thinking that if he worked as much as possible, did as much good that was asked of him, any problem that arose could be muffled out by all he had already done.  He, as he relayed it to me, began placing bandaids over our problems, hoping that the damage was never too deep or serious underneath and would simply go away. He hoped that any damage would in time just fade away, as a flesh wound under a bandaid

All the while I am being expected to help in his life, my moms life, my sisters life, my nieces lives, my own children's lives, homeschool, keep up with the house and do payroll and time sheets for our business. Everyone around me seemed to continue to hand me plates and eventually my hands could hold no more plates--and not just one plate fell but a ton fell all at once.. 

So, poor Bri is just focusing on one thing at a time because he's so worried about all of these band aids he's placed over our relationship, and I'm on overload feeling like my worlds crashing around me because my sweet support is unable to be there for me. 

Needless to say, we both stopped truly caring about one another. We stopped caring about our tone of voice. We stopped caring about opening doors. We stopped caring about being helpful, encouraging, going above and beyond even when we're tired and feel like we have already given all we can. 

I'm guilty of giving my kids everything from sun up till sun down--but not my husband. The same is true if you ask him. Sure, we spent time together each night before bed, we enjoyed good days with one another, but we weren't taking the time to have a relationship, a passion filled relationship. 

Our relationship missed passion. 

Passion to see one another after a long day.

Passion to love deeply. 

Passion to give when no more can be given. 

Passion. Not to be mistaken with any kind of sexual passion. 

This is s passion that drives us, a passion that fills us. 

We didn't even realize we were missing it until it was simply not there. 

This weekend brought passion back. A cabin, set in the middle of no where.

A cabin filled with friends. 

A cabin filled with love. 

A time spent on one another, being kind and considerate, loving and helpful. 

A time spent loving deeply and passionately. 

And the best part, after passion comes peace--a peace that comes that whispers, "He has blessed you, appreciate it always". 

1 Corinthians 13:4-8