Thursday, January 23, 2014

The chaos a day can bring, or the peace His love can bring

People ask me on a daily basis how I survive through the day with 5 kids. Heck, there were days when I only had 3 and was asked the same thing, and I've come to realize with each new blessing that has been added to our family, that it's not the number of children that make life stressful, it's simply life. We're fooling ourselves to think that a mom with 1 child has it any easier than a mom with 18 children. Children are children, and life happens whether you have 1 or multiple. Now, that's not to say that having multiple children doesn't create a dynamic in a home that a family with less could never understand, that's completely true! Each of our lives is different. Each of our days unfolds differently. 

And shouldn't they? 

Wouldn't it be a pretty boring world if every single person lived the same monotonous life, day in and day out? If there were no surprises, bumps, cracks, gaping holes in our lives, where would all of the growth come from? 

My days are filled with these cracks, and those gaping holes, and it's within those crevices that I find the strength to push through the day. Not because I have 5 children, but simply because I have children. Yes, my life is crazy, CRAZY, and I'm sure there are a ton of people who wouldn't trade my life for anything--and that's ok; Because I wouldn't trade my life for anything. I love this life, even within those dark, dreary crevices. 

I find out more and more about who I am within those crevices; those cracks and holes of my life hold amazing opportunities to learn from Him. 

I look back on the past few years of my adult life, well I suppose my entire adult life, and I can honestly say this is the first time I can truly, without question say that I am happy. I am happy, and things are not perfect in my life. 

I am happy within the long and broken crack of my life that we are currently in, and I love it there. I love the strength that I have to find within Him because I have exhausted everything and can give no further. I love that feeling of knowing that my future, it's set. Nothing that happened today can change that future He has for me. No mistake I make today, or hole that I may fall in can keep His plan from becoming my reality. He has promised this life to me and when I walk in that promise, I can grow wings and soar like an eagle. 

I love depending on Him, finally, for everything, and not myself. 

It's difficult, to wake up and give it over to Him. I found myself for the first few years of my life as a Christian thinking I had to set special time aside for Him, had to rise at they wee hours of the morning and do all of these things to follow Him properly. 

Misery came from those feelings, not wings! I wanted the wings, I wanted to fly high with Him.

As I ponder that question, how do you survive your day, I find myself shouting, because I have my best friend by my side. Each and every moment, I have Jesus by my side. All of a sudden, the barrier and fakeness I had put up around me has crumbled down around me and in place of it came a true and passionate relationship. One where I make no excuses to Him, put on no fronts or shows. I come to Him each moment just they way that I am, and I ALWAYS feel adequate. If I am truly in His presence, I am at peace in my day even if I am failing a million times. And I mean FAILING and I'm ok to admit that. 

I'm comfortable admitting when someone asks how I get through my day, that I don't get through my day. Honestly, if it were up to ME, I'd probably run away multiple times a day to a deserted island that served copious amounts of Merlot. BUT, praise God from whom all blessings flow, it's not me who gets me through the day, it's Him. Because if I ran away to that island, I'd miss the most amazing life ever. MY LIFE. 

And so would you my sweet friend. I know how you're feeling today. The kids are already fighting, the laundry needs to be started, breakfast may still need to be served, YOU my sister may even still be in your Jammie's, and that's ok. 

It's ok because those things will get done, your day will end the way it was meant to, with you tucking your sweet blessings into bed tonight and all of the cares, the pain and heartache you felt today, it will pass away with a peace that surpasses all of your understanding.....THAT PEACE IS HIS PEACE. 

I live in that peace, as much as I possibly can. And hope you do too sweet friend. That peace is so much sweeter than the dark place this world wants to keep us captive in--a dark place where we think we're doing nothing right.

Don't stay there! 

Rest in the peace that you were chosen to love those littles of yours because of who you are to them and to Him, and that is amazing! 

Don't miss out on the little things of today, the messes and the mistakes, they help you grow I promise, and they help you live in that peace! If I didn't have that peace, I'd have missed these wonderful moments this morning

She was being the silliest little flower, making the cutest little faces at the camera. I was cold, maybe not in the best of moods yet, and this little girl helped remind me of His peace, and we had the best time snapping these pictures trying to get a decent one of us, not blinded by the flash 

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

A flower, a broken wrist

My day starts at around 6:45-7 each morning and usually steadily pushes on until about 10-11. Long days filled with crying, screaming, poop, toys, diapers, laundry, homeschool, laughter, smiles, giggles, kisses, arguments and sheer craziness! There are days that I lay my head down at night and truly have to breathe a sigh of relief and just thank our God that everyone made it through the day alive :) 

I didnt used to like to blog about the ins and outs if my days; I was always really terrified of the person who would ridicule my parenting or judge my skills as a homemaker. Well, that person said goodbye in 2013, & this year is the year that I begin to FINALLY find me! 

So, with that being said, I'm going to share the story of little flower, Lily Grace's fall and subsequent cast. 

It was 2 days after Christmas and the kids and I decided to go into town to shop at our favorite store--Walmart of course, (I actually seriously hate this store but I seem to spend a ridiculous amount of time there, anyone else relate?) and we ended up getting the wrong thing. We did not realize we had bought the wrong game system (we were buying the new skylanders swap force for our little skylander for his birthday which was a mere 11 days following) until we returned home, a good 12 minutes from town. Keegan was ready for nap, desperately, I was too honestly, and school still had to be done. So we all decided to lay Keegan down, finish school and then head back into town. 

So we did this. I loaded all 5 kids back up in the car and headed back into town when Keegan woke from his nap. I decided to make one pit stop at the goodwill, I wanted to pick up a hooded sweatshirt for Jordon which was the one thing he asked for for Christmas and I had yet to find. So, we all head in, and unbeknownst to me, the goodwill doesn't have normal shopping carts with a child seat, oh no no. They have instead, a cart with 2 baskets, 1 on top and 1 on the bottom. So, I figure, we're not going to be there long, so I sit Keegan in the top basket, and head through the store. We score the sweatshirt, and a plastic doll house for 3.99, I was not leaving the store without it, and a stand up blender for stupid cheap. We proceeded to the checkout, me pushing a cart with a baby, while wrangling 4 other children around my heels. I needed to push the cart out of the store because I didn't have enough hands to carry the bags, Keegan, and maneuver the kids through the parking lot that seemed to be more packed as we were exiting the store then when we had entered. 

So, both girls stepped into the bottom basket and held onto the stop, the boys held onto the sides, and I held keegan in the top. We were headed down the handicap ramp from the sidewalk into the parking lot when the cart HIT A POT HOLE AND COMPLETELY FLIPPED ON ME. It was crazy! Obviously it was from the weight of the girls on the front of the cart, I realize that (please don't feel the need to point this out, I'm well aware that I could have potentially stopped this horrible accident had I simply not put the girls in the bottom basket) but I never imagined such a thing could happen. 

I flew over the basket, Keegan fell out and Hayley and Lily Grace both got stuck under the cart. Lily Grace's hand broke her fall we think and that's probably how she broke it. 

2 ladies came over and asked if we were okay, which I know was very kind and they most certainly did not have to stop and check on us. But I admit, I kind of wish one had offered a hand to help me with our stuff to the car, only because that was the only real help anyone could have given at the time. 

But, they left, and I still had to figure out how to get the kids across the parking lot while carrying 3 kids, see God only gave me 2 hands and that didn't seem to be enough in this particular predicament. So, I did what any mother of 5 does, I carried a 3 year old, a 4 year old and. 1 year old across the parking lot with only 2 hands, while my oh so wonderful 10 year old stood on the sidewalk with all of our stuff until I could come back and pick the cart up and get our stuff over to the car. 

The wrist never swelled really badly or bruised, which were 2 signs I was looking for in order to decide how to proceed. We headed home to daddy and after Lily awoke from her nap in the car, although still no bruising or swelling, we decided she should go get it checked. Brian took her because they older 3 kids we honestly quite shaken up after everything and I didn't want to worry them by my leaving. Mom leaving always seems to throw everyone into a panic around here, I'm not sure about at your houses. 

An X-ray and 3 hours at the ER and sure enough, poor Lily Grace had broken her wrist in 3 tiny little places. The breaks are different in small children, as in the bone kid of splinters as opposed to actually breaking, thankfully! So, the Dr was confident it should heal nicely! She will continue wearing the cast until Feb 5, and I cannot lie, it's seriously the cutest thing ever! 

And that's the story about how our little flower, broke her wrist and how her momma realized, these kids will give me a heartache SOON!