I am day 1

Read Jeremiah 1:5
Read Micah 7:7-8



I was maybe 13 years old the first time I looked in the mirror and said to myself, "you're fat, you're ugly, you are nothing" anything that would make me see myself as ugly as I felt on the inside. On the inside, there was a fire raging & burning me alive. This fire was lit and active within for almost 20 years, until our Almighty Savior revealed to me the power of His mighty hands and quenched that fire with His hands. His hands squashed that fire within me with one fierce grip, a grip that holds me so tight I don't want to catch my breath. I feel safe within His tight grip. I feel power within me, power that enables me to know the truth about myself....I AM SPECIAL, HOLY, CHOSEN, FORGIVEN, REDEEMED, SANCTIFIED, TRANSFORMED. None of these things happen in the manner in which I think they should happen. None of these things happen in the manner in which others think they should happen. No, they happen on His perfect and loving time. He wants to be an integral part of my life, walking with me through every painful and tripped up step. He wants continual communication with me so that I may hear what it is that He wants! I get so bogged down with what others say about me that I lose the truth that He gives--that I am the daughter of the risen King and nothing can ever separate me from Him. He doesn't just tell us these things over and over again, He fills our soul with this unquenchable longing for Him, and if that longing isn't satisfied by Him we continually search for a filler. I don't want a filler, I only want Him. This is something that my flesh fights against, but my soul longs for. When I drown out the clanging cymbals in this world & listen to His ever sweet voice, the negative things I think about myself or the negative things that others say, they just simply don't hurt as badly. When I look at myself through His eyes, I'm amazed and astonished at how simply radiant I feel. That radiance is His Spirit within me. That radiance is His ambiance reflecting outward. 

I am who He formed in my mothers womb--before sin crept in, before this world tainted my existence--I am who the Potter formed. I am miry clay ready to be shaped into whatever tool He would have me be. I am ready to be refined, to be set into only His transformation fire & I look forward to each and every change that He enables me to make. I long to be the vessel that He uses to bring glory to His kingdom. 

Reflect on Jeremiah 1:5

What does this make you feel? Do you feel like clay sitting on a shelf collecting dust while He waits to refine you, or do you feel like you've walked through that fire already & are now collecting dust as you sit on a shelf? Or better, do you feel like He has a firm grip on your handle & can be used in whatever fashion He sees fit? 

Reflect on Micah 7:7-8

Chosen, Holy, Blameless, LOVED

I’ve started an Ephesians study with GoodMorning Girls.Org and I cannot truly express how excited I am.

Ephesians is an encouragement for believers on how to interact with one another. It was written for mainly gentile believers—which is most of us today. Not many of us can honestly say that we are from the Jewish nation, but we are all one body in Jesus Christ as believers.

This morning we read Chapter 1 verses 1-4

Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, To the saints who are in Ephesus, and are faithful in Christ Jesus:  Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.  Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him.

I am so intrigued by God’s true sovereignty, the way He can know everything, be everywhere. Recently I’ve found myself meditating on who I am in Christ. I’ve had such a low self-image, allowed the opinions of others to shape me, that I really couldn’t grasp that God LOVES EVEN ME. I trusted His Word, and His Word says He does, but I was having a hard time making my heart believe it, my soul relish in it. This weekend I began a chapter in a book called The Resolution for Women by Priscilla Shirer and it was titled “Authentically Me”. God spoke right to my heart and awakened in me the beauty He instilled within me, the love He has for me, the forgiveness He has given me—freely.

Then this morning, my verses again reinforce that HE CHOSE ME. A wretched sinner like me was chosen by the Almighty God for His purposes and for His glory.

 WOW

I cannot ever thank Him for the life that He has given me and I look forward to each day as He reveals His grace to me.

 

Busy Busy Busy

2012

A New Year, a New Devotion to Him

 

Are you Busy?

Recently I’ve felt the Lord revealing something to me and I wasn’t sure what it was or what He wanted me to do about it when I finally “heard” what it was that He was speaking.

On FB, on twitter, in life in general, I often hear women say, “I’m just so busy”. I admit I’ve even said it. What does this actually mean? Being too busy. For some it means running their children here and there; sports, dance, cheer, 4-H, any extracurricular activity that is supposed to help their child “socialize” or “become well rounded”. For some {and I’m one of these} it means busy work around the house, sweeping, mopping … ahem, checking FB.

Well, last night God revealed to me just what He’s been trying to get me to see. Being busy is something driven by satan and his demons. I know this is a harsh statement, but bear with me for a second and hopefully I’ll make myself a little more clear.

When we are “so busy” we often times don’t read our Bible, spend time reflecting the Word, listen to what He is saying to us. We have the “time” to do this or do that, but we don’t seem to have the “time” for Him.

We live in a society that is so busy running everywhere, being busy, that they are so irritable, so unhappy, so not joyous.

When we don’t make the time for Him, we fall into the trap that satan has laid out for us, he and his demons.

Think about it. When you are hungry, you go to your kitchen and eat something. The same is true if you are thirsty or are in need of sleep. You do what is necessary during those moments to take care of your body.

But, what about your spiritual health?

When we don’t make time for Him, our spiritual life lessens, which gives way to satan to creep in and lead us astray. This can be in subtle ways such as exhaustion which may lead us to snap at our child. Or neglecting ministry work which may keep us from encouraging a wayward friend. We may not take the time to love our husband the way God commands which hurts our relationship with our spouse as well as gives satan ammunition to make his eyes wander to someone else, maybe a magazine on a newsstand. This may seem like no big deal, it’s just his eyes right? Well, Jesus says:

if we look at someone lustfully with our eyes, we have committed adultery with our hearts.

 Matthew 5:28

Don’t you see what being too busy means? It is not just simple little things in life that we are busy with, it’s actually a plot by satan to KEEP US FROM GOD.

I heard this acronym yesterday and it struck me deep within!!!

B- eing

U-nder

S-atan’s

Y-oke

I for one do not want to ever be under satan’s yoke again. I spent 24 years there, I don’t ever want to go back. I do not want to ever follow the world again.

But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy,  heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good,  treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.

2 Timothy 3:1-5

I challenge you to evaluate what you are busy with. Is it earthly things or kingdom things?

Are you taking the time, EVERY DAY, to read God’s word or are you … too busy?

 

Confession

Confess Him as Son of God

“Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in Him, and he in God.”

1 John 4:15

I have a confession to make – I used to be a wretched person. Seriously, the person I was before I found Christ was downright not good. Because of that person, now as I confess Jesus as the Son of God, I take a lot of heat…I mean A LOT! People don’t want to see me as a new creation, they don’t want to believe in the changes that He can instill in someone. When those friends or family see me, they see the wretched person I was BEFORE the cross.

But, that doesn’t stop my lips from confessing Him—if anything it makes my yearning to shout His good name stronger! I know the life one can slip into without Him. I know the despair one lives in without Him. And I know the turmoil that surrounds us without Him—and I do not want that for my life.

I choose Him. I choose to confess Him with my lips; I choose to, whether ANYONE believes me, live a redeemed life {to the best of my sinful ability of course}.

I choose to allow God to abide in me, dwell there forever!

And I choose to turn away from my past life!

I pray the same is true for each of you! I pray that if you lived a life not consecrated to Him, and know the ramifications of it—that you will turn to Him and confess Him as the Son of God.

And I pray that you if you were blessed to live a life consecrated to Him but are struggling in anyway with confessing Him to strangers, friends, anyone in your life that you lean on His strength to sustain you! It will!

Renewal

  I am loved

I’m not even sure where to start with this post. Let me first say, as I write this, I am fighting off the insatiable urge to weep, heavily. It’s been the overall theme for the day truthfully.

I am overjoyed and in love …. with who you might ask? Well that answer is a simple one-My Savior.

He has instilled in me today a love for Him that I don’t think words can truly give justice to. He has reminded me {or I might even say, matter of factly shouted} that He loves me JUST AS I AM. To Him, I am beautifully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14

I’m going to share a piece of myself with you that I have had closed off for a really long time. I’ve been struggling, deeply and embarrassingly struggling. My writing has been affected, my heart has been hurting and my soul has cried out to Him for renewal—today I received that renewal.

He led me to my bookshelf this afternoon at about 1 pm. I picked up Jeremy Camp’s book “I Still Believe” which has been sitting for 2 months untouched. I’m not sure what led me to it other than the indwelling Spirit, but I sat on the couch and began reading…reading 145 pages today. WOW.

I was immersed, captivated. His words pulled me in like a tidal wave and I felt like I was sinking in the massive tears streaming down my pink tinted cheeks. I choked on the tears. And my poor Jax, he didn’t know what was happening to his mommy.  

At 6 I went to a ladies fellowship that I had been invited to, as if the tears I had cried all afternoon weren’t enough, again they fell from my eyes as I watched these women pour out their hearts in worship to the Lord.

Breathtaking.

Astounding.

Simply, Magnificent.

You might be asking yourself, “Well, she mentioned struggling, where is the struggle she speaks of”. To that I would answer, it’s me. I’ve struggled with the old person I am shedding—the one people are still judging me on. I am struggling with accepting that I am a new creation, the old has passed away and I am new. 2 Corinthians 5:17

I have taken so much heat in last year due to my outspokenness of my love for Christ. I have been ridiculed, judged, persecuted and quite truthfully … IT STUNK!!

I hated it. I hated the feeling I would get when the enemy would break me down with the words of a friend or family member, or someone who I thought should be an encouragement to me. I hated feeling like less of a human because I wanted to shout from the root that Jesus Saves—I am proof.

There have been times when I’ve wanted to share the hell {I know that word is harsh, but, seriously, the life I lived in can only be described as hellacious} He delivered me from but was told that I couldn’t, or shouldn’t. I’ve been told that God wasn’t leading me in that direction, or that my testimony didn’t need to be vocalized. I’ve been told that I should just speak of the good that can be done in the name of Christ and not speak of the world that He delivered me from…the one that held me captive for 23 years.

23 years, geez! For 23 years I lived as a captive to this fallen world and I want so desperately to tell people of what He brought me from, but I’ve stopped myself.

I write a lot, but not nearly as much as He lays on my heart. There are times when He has revealed something to me and I think to myself, “Lord, I can’t right now, that will cause a serious debate and I just don’t have the strength for it”.

SERIOUSLY ASHLEY?

I turned my Savior’s request down, denied Him, because I was scared of the heat I may feel? Well, no more. I say…BRING ON THE FIRE.

I will walk through that burning inferno and I will come out victorious. You want to know why? Because HE IS VICTORIOUS. The battle has already been Won!

I will be writing more, I will be telling of His saving grace with my every breath. There is nothing, or anyone, who will squash the fire that has been set within me! 

Lord, you are so gracious, and so loving, and I cannot thank you enough for your redemptive love! Thank you for the world you brought me out of and help me share my testimony with all who I come in contact with.