Sunday, June 22, 2014

Excerpt from <3 less than Three

<3 less than Three 

Once I stopped cowering over in fear of what other's believed about me, once I truly became the woman who stood upright as I had always said I was, and secretly hoped to be, I was able to see everything differently. 

Before then, I saw things from the ground up. I saw things from the perception of others, from the world, from the ground. I saw the floor, shoes, dirt and heard only the voices of others that were coming down at me. 

I had this idea that I wanted to walk upright. I had this vision of walking upright. I named my ministry Women Walking Upright for a reason. I wanted to be that woman. But, I hadn't been. 

I was hunched over like the woman in the synagogue in the book of Luke and I couldn't stand up straight. For my whole life, I stared at the ground, thinking I was completely unworthy of my life. I didn't think it mattered how I lived, because I was trash anyways. I could be stepped on. I could be spit on. It didn't matter. 

I focused on my fruits, on how spoiled and rotten they were. I knew there was something completely wrong with me, and I wanted it fixed, but I was never truly willing to express just how rotten I felt. I believed if I could put a bandaid on it and go through a healing prayer, I'd be healed and never again have to deal with my terrible afflictions. I believed if I could just follow enough rules and laws, I would one day prove that I was worthy of His amazing sacrifice. I couldn't understand how if Jesus knew us so intimately and knew us before we were born, then why He ever died for me? It had to be because I was expected to clean up, right?

But, when I lifted my eyes up, and saw Jesus, I couldn't resist standing up straight. I couldnt resist reaching my hands up to the sky; not out of routine or practice but out of a need to embrace the root in which my life was grounded in--Jesus Christ. 

When I wasn't embarrased to embrace Jesus, I was free to live in truth. When I wasn't overtaken with guilt, I was free to call out to Him. When I was free to be who He called me to be, no longer bound by my need to feel worthy to the world, I was free to experience the life He set forth for me. 

And what a life He had waiting for me. 

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