Thursday, November 20, 2014

Transparent Thursday--Be filled by the Spirit


I've shared often in the last few months that I used to suffer from binge eating. I've been on a weightloss journey for a year now, but didn't get intensely into it until February '14. Around April was when God undoubtedly revealed to me that I was suffering from binge eating disorder. 

Binge eating is when a person eats a large amount of food in a short amount of time; often feeling out of control while doing so. 

Food holds us captive I believe so often! I want to say in the United States, but honestly that's probably not fair. I'm sure there are plenty of other countries that have people suffering. I think the difference with the U.S. is just that we often have easy access to larger quantities of food! 

For me, I used food to control my emotions. But, there wasn't just one emotion that allowed its presence. If I was sad, I would binge. If I was happy, I would binge. If I was anxious, I would binge. It really didn't matter what I was feeling, because I am an overly sensitive person and go through a range of emotions everyday. Binging was sort of my escape from how I was feeling. 

If I had a really bad day, I would skip meals and rationalize that I could eat an entire package of cookies because I hadn't eaten all day. What was one package when that was all I had eaten that day? 

But, binging didn't only occur when I was alone or after skipping meals. I could also binge at meal time too. I could rationalize to myself that it was okay to eat taco after taco after taco at dinner because "God loves me just the way I am, who cares if I eat 5 tacos and my body doesn't burn it off, God will still love me."

It was terrible for my metabolism. My body was on the fritz. And so was my mind. 

Yes, God without doubt loved me and He loves all of us despite what sin we are living with. 

BUT, He also loves us so much that He wants us to change. 

He wants us to grow. 

He wants to mold us into His image. 

The truth is, I made excuses to justify eating whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and I didn't care what it did to my body--my temple to God. 

It wasn't until God opened my eyes, or I was willing to see the truth, that He was able to set me on this path to understanding how unhealthy I was. Once I walked through the first door, I've been on an endless hallway with door after door after door--all revealing rooms to me that were filled with my sins. 

Here's the thing. Maybe binge eating is something you personally suffer with like I did. The question is, is there a sin or problem that you are not admitting and letting God have because you like the control that you "seem" to have; or even that you like losing control. 

That was me. I liked eating. I really enjoy food. And that's okay. Food in and of itself is not bad. But, the way I dealt with food was bad. I let it hinder my relationship with God. That's what a sin is--it separates us from God. When I was binging, I was separated from God. 

I don't want to be separated from God. I wanted to be fully in His presence. 

But, how could I walk into His presence when I was so busy stuffing food into my system? I couldn't. 

I share this little tid bit as an encouragement that yes, God loves us despite what we are struggling with, but the most amazing part is that He doesn't want us to struggle. He wants to take our pain. He wants to heal our hearts. He wants to take every sin and cast it as far as the east is from the west. 

I see that now. I know that when I am struggling, He will grab my hand and walk with me down that endless hallway--never asking me to open a door to a room with my sins without squeezing my hand intensely. 

He wants to do this for each of us! 

He wants to be there for us. 

He wants to speak truth to us. 

He wants us to see that we are less than only Three. 

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