So much has been happening in the life of our little ginger family. I haven't taken the time to sit and write for almost a month. I have felt the stirring, but have honestly made excuses as to why I couldn't write. Excuses have become a problem in my life the past month, and I have said ENOUGH IS ENOUGH today and listened to the sweet, calming voice within my head. The voice of Jesus--the Holy Spirit.
That voice has awakened my soul, revived my spirit I cannot even tell you how many times. Today is one of many times that the Spirit has done the work that He is meant to do--dwelling richly within me to accomplish the work of the Father. I have learned greatly that we cannot control the work of the Holy Spirit. He works in ways that we cannot predict or understand. Just as I had no control over my physical birth into this world, I have no control over my spiritual rebirth.
I like control. I like feeling in control. Far too often in my past I have felt completely out of control in my life and it has riddled me with fear that shakes me to my very soul. That fear has enacted this desire to control everything, and everyone. But, I cannot control the Spirit. I cannot control what He does within me and through me. It is a gift from God, and one that I can either accept and walk in, or squash and squander.
Accept and walk in is what I greatly desire. I no longer want to squash or squander anything that God gives me. I spent far too many years in my life doing that. But, it's a habit that can be hard to break, and one that sucks you back in so quickly.
I've been living in that place, that place of squander and squash, for the past month. I've felt down, confused, like I didn't know which way to go. I kept calling out to God for a sign, and getting frustrated when I didn't "see" one.
I realized yesterday during a much needed 2 mile run, that I was being a lot like Nicodemus in the book of John. I was asking for these signs and such from God, when the truth is I simply needed to believe. I need to have the utmost faith that the God of the Universe was there for me, and would not let me backslide further than He could reach me.
And sure enough, I saw that truth this morning as I sat to do my morning devotional with the site SheReadsTruth.com. I needed to drink of and be filled by the living waters of Jesus. I kept walking away from my time with Him, not truly being filled, wanting more. But, the living waters of Jesus, they never leave us empty, or parched. They fill us completely. I wasn't allowing Him to fill me, because I kept waiting and hoping for some sign that He was using me, when I needed to simply walk out in the truth and believe that He was using me for His purposes to advance His Kingdom.
We are responsible for whom we will obey--and God wants us to choose Him. I was choosing my flesh, the signs that my flesh wanted. But, God wanted me to choose Him, and the truth that He loves me greatly and He has a plan for me each and every day.
I think we get so wrapped up sometimes in how God is using us, and whether we believe we are good enough to truly be used by God, that we miss how He is truly using us. We have one purpose--to advance the Kingdom. That's it. Be the light in a dark world. That is the purpose of this world--to bring lost souls to a Savior that will give eternal life. We don't have to look for our purpose, wonder if we are being used, we just need to spread the Gospel, speak the Gospel, and He will do the rest.
We will come up against many challenges in this world. It is a challenging, sin-filled world. Jesus didn't come to rid us of challenges. No, He came to change us on the inside and to empower us to deal with problems from God's perspective.
I know without a doubt that He is changing me on the inside. That's not the important question. The more important question to ask myself is am I walking with the full assurance that I am changed, and that I have the power to point a light to Christ so that others can be changed?
That is what I want. With my every breath, with my every step, to point to Christ.
I start to focus sometimes on whether I am a "good enough witness" or what "I' am doing, that I take the focus off of God, and place it on myself.
I don't want the focus to be anywhere except the Savior who died to save this world.
As I ran yesterday, God awakened the locked away truth that He is using me, greatly, for His purposes. But, I am not focusing completely on the reality that everything I do, I do for God. Every word I speak, I speak for God. I am not using the gifts He has gven me, to glorify Him.
Writing, it's one thing He has always laid heavily on me that He wants me to use to glorify Him, and it's one thing I don't do enough. I began my Transparent Thursday series to ease into writing more consistently, and then I allowed that to dwindle down. I feel very heavily that He is calling me to write more, share my heart more, even if it needs realigning. That is okay! I don't have to worry about the realigning, He will do that all on His own. I simply need to glorify. I simply need to be willing to be used.
And oh, I am willing to be used.
I am willing to sacrifice everythingi n order to be used for the glory of God.
As I read through the Bible, I will share my heart more. I will be honest and open about what I am reading and how it is impacting my life. As I walk through my day, I will write more about how He is shaping me, and my family, and how we are looking to Him to empower us. As I seek to become mentally and pysically fit, I will share more of my journey, hoping to inspire others to joing the journey with me.
I look forwadr to sharing with you, friends, and pray that you will be encoruaged each time you read.