We made the decision 2 years ago to embark on this homeschool journey. It wasn’t an easy decision to come to. Truthfully, at first, it made me sick to my stomach to think of ME teaching the kids. I hated school, and really don’t like “learning”.
My stomach would knot up and I would feel physically ill with the thought. Slowly, by His grace thankfully, my feelings changed and I listened to what He was saying to me.
“Lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your path.” Proverbs 3:5
I needed to stop leaning on my understanding of what I thought I was capable of and start acknowledging Him and He would direct my path.
I believe He has done this.
2 years ago I started homeschooling my nephew and schooled him for about 6 months. I enjoyed my time with him, but circumstances beyond my control prompting his re-entrance into public school. This decision shattered my heart at a time. I believe, for my family, that homeschooling is the right decision. Jordon is part of my family and watching as he goes to school now every day is truly difficult. But, the same scripture that strengthens me in my doubts about schooling Jaxson, strengthens me as I wonder about whether Jordon in public school is going to negatively affect the light we want him to become. But, I lean not on my understanding and know that He is directing my path.
As we started Kindergarten 3 weeks ago, I stared at this little boy who stole a piece of my heart 4 years ago and I wondered, how can we make this work? How can I teach you appropriately? Are we starting too early?
You see, Jaxson, often referred to as “doodle”, is only 4.5 years old. But, by the grace of God Himself, doodle has surpassed everything that a pre-school aged child should. He doesn’t write as well as I would prefer, but he recognizes all letters, colors, shapes and numbers 1-20.
So, we jumped right into school and each day I think I am failing. Each day, as I lay down in my bed and prayer my bedtime prayers, I ask that He fill me even greater the next day because I feel utterly like a failure.
Then a day like today is given to me; a blessing from His oh so gracious hands.
You see, we took an entire week off last week while we mourned the loss of my Uncle. I didn’t feel bad about taking the week off as it was completely necessary, but morning was soon upon me and I was unsure how doodle would transition back in.
I calmly and enthusiastically said, “okay Jaxson, we need to finish up breakfast and then do school.” After which I hear, “ugh, Mommy, school every day? I do not want to do it today.”
I responded with something like, “Yes Jax, school every day, Monday thru Friday, and what are you even talking about silly goose, we didn’t school at all last week.” To which I see a grin on his face and hear a sweet little, “Oh yea, because Uncle Eddie died right?”
“Yes, now go finish your donut and get seated while I finish these dishes and we’ll start”.
Imagine my surprise when, 20 minutes later, I realize I have forgotten to go to the school room and doodle is standing at his desk, donut in hand saying, “Mommy, can I finish my donut and start school now?”
No prompting from me, no coaching from me, this little child was eagerly waiting at his desk to start his day. Oh how my heart rejoiced. Oh how a smile graced face.
I heard the voice of God; I heard His reassuring voice say, “You can do this, just in case you had any doubts”.
Every day I have doubts, every day I wonder if I am doing permanent damage to these beautiful children given to me, but I know without a doubt that I am making the right decision. I know without a doubt that my God is strong enough to lift me and encourage me and lead me on the path which HE has chosen for me.
I needn’t say one thing to Jaxson to get him to do school, the instrutions I had given him were enough, finish your donut while I finish the dishes. I wasn’t finished the dishes, so he wasn’t finished his donut. He waited patiently, kindly for me.
This lesson was an amazing lesson this morning. And you know what’s even better; doodle wrote every letter and number completely by himself. He needed no help from lil old momma; this could only be from His mighty hands.
Jaxson will learn what he is meant to learn, he will go forth in this dark world and although I may be the human here shepherding Him, Christ is the one inside Him directing His every path, teaching him all that he needs to know.
But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.
2 Timothy 3:14-15