I’ve been asked about my faith a lot in the last few years. My faith has grown in considerable ways in that same time period. When I first came back to Christ—accepted that I was a sinner in desperate need of a Savior—it took a while for me to truly give everything over to Him. I still engaged in the lifestyle that kept me from Him for so many years. It was hard to break the cycle I had become so accustomed to.
In an effort to be completely transparent and real--I didn’t fully give EVERYTHING over to Him until I was pregnant with Lily Grace. I’ve failed to live up to the One who saved me many times since finding Him again, but each time I kneel at the foot of the cross. I still struggle today, don’t get me wrong, but today I understand that I don’t want the reigns, at all. I want Him to be in control of EVERYTHING. I may not always step aside in time, giving Him the room He needs to work, but I inevitably will step aside because the Spirit is so very strong within me and the conviction I feel is something that makes me cringe! He is much more capable of handling my life than I am, or would ever would I want to be.
I share often about the persecution that I receive because of my outspokenness for Christ. It is so painful to have someone you want so desperately to see you as changed truly think you are unworthy of God’s grace. For someone you love so dearly to think you are just a liar or a fake.
I’m learning, slowly, that this persecution is NOTHING in comparison to real persecution—take the persecution our Lord endured that led Him to death upon a cross….by the very people He came to save. Or the persecution received in other countries—where you can seriously have your head taken off for claiming to be Christian. No, I don’t know this persecution, and I am so very thankful for that.
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,
for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.
James 1:2 & 3
I am also thankful for the persecution that I do take, because it only draws me closer to Him. It makes me yearn for Him, for His perfect comfort. It produces a steadfast faith within me.
I can’t tell you the number of times in the last few years that someone close to me has accused me of believing I am perfect…pah. I have to laugh at such a ridiculous statement.
Me, perfect? Oh how totally wrong you are! How completely misguided your thoughts are! I am most certainly not perfect nor do I ever believe I am perfect. I do however believe that I am a wretched sinner in desperate need of my Savior, my love! I do hope for a life in heaven, one in which I have been perfected by the One who is perfect!
No, I am not perfect, but I am in love with a perfect Man…one in which every day He pulls me in closer, teaching my heart and soul to rely on Him. Every day He loves me despite my many, many, many imperfections and every day He reveals more of Himself to me!
I am head over heels in love with Jesus Christ. He is the most important Man in my life, before my husband and before my children. He is the One in which I want my life to revolve around, He is the One in which I wish to please. My heart skips a beat when I think of the love He has for us! He is my soul mate! And it’s this love that has changed me, this love that drives me now. It’s this love that holds my faith!
No, I am not perfect, but my heart longs to the One that is!