Seriously …. Get Organized
As I rolled my sleepy self out of the bed this morning the grouchiness inside came rolling to a head, quickly. I love sleeping entirely too much. It’s become a stumbling block I think.
A lot has happened in the last 2 years of my life, much of it has been exhilarating, but some of it has been so overwhelming that I am not sure what to do. Finding the true love of my Savior has been a gift that I am completely unworthy of. Since finding Him, I see life in a completely different light, His light. But, finding Him has brought burdens into my life that I am completely unable to handle on my own. I have been ridiculed, persecuted, shunned and lost many friends and at times family because of my outspokenness for the one who saved me. But, I stand strong in knowing that Christ does not want me to stumble, “These things I have spoken to you, that you should not be made to stumble” John 16:1 and that He was persecuted and so should I, “If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. Remember the word that I said to you... If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you... because they do not know Him who sent Me." John 15:18-21. He will give me the strength I need to overcome these worries of mine. His grace is sufficient for all.
As I look around at my life, everything is overwhelming right now. My home, my heart, my longing to serve Christ. I feel a bit lost, not in His hands, but in this world. Suffering from depression for so many years of my life, the thought constantly plagues me every day, “am I sinking into a depression now?”
Today, clarity came. Today, as the grouchiness inside me fueled because my sleep slumber had yet again come to an end, I realized, yes, I’m a bit depressed and yes, this is okay. This fallen world is terrible, and although my sights are off of this world, the burdens of it still scream loud and clear in my head.
“Am I serving you well? Am I raising the kids in admonition to your word? Is our suffering because of our zeal for you or our fleshly disobedience? Can we ever climb out of this hole that we presently sit in?” The answer to every one of these questions is, organization.
I need to get organized, and I don’t simply mean the stuff in my home, although this is necessary, I mean my thoughts, my prayers, my studies, my EVERYTHING. I cannot be super mom, but I can be an abiding mom. I can be a mom who abides faithfully in what is good and upright in His word.
So, how will I accomplish this? I will start with a list of 5 things each day that I want to accomplish. I will rate them 1-5 and I will go through them, in order of importance. Accomplishing doesn’t necessarily mean doing. There are days when I don’t “accomplish” my prayer time, this is something I need to fix, asap. There are also days when my parenting is controlled by my flesh, this is something I need to put on my list. Every single thought I have must be held captive and organized in Christ’s word.
Change is happening, change is occurring and change is something that before today, I stayed completely away from. I’ve actually been diagnosed with anxiety due to change. I do not handle change well J But, I am no longer “me”, I am now, “His” and with Him, change no longer scares me.
I will keep you all updated on how this organization concept goes! Please, pray for me!