I'm a routine girl, yet I like to convince myself I'm not. I lie to myself however! I don't want to be the boring girl who does the same thing every day; but the truth is, I like to expect the same routine every day. I like to know what my day will look like and how it will unfold. I dislike change or spontaeity.
God is changing this, little by little.
He is molding a new heart, a more restful heart that is accepting change, and desiring organization.
He is refining the desires of my heart and He is giving me exactly what I am desiring.
I think my anxiety of change is similar to many people's, but mine came for reasons associated with my life. It's hard to look at each other's lives and not compare, judge. I do that so often. I look at other people's lives and wonder why they're so much better, how they can do so much more than me, and I feel defeated. I never consider what that person may have gone through themselves that may have assisted in that trait I admire so greatly. I seldom think about someone else's life when I am comparing myself to them; rather seeing only the good and positive things of their life--jealousy in all truthfulness.
He's changing this. He's showing me as I scroll through Pinterest, IG, FB, ect., that the things I admire in others, such as organization skills or business brain, are gifts that God is instilling in them, NOT that person in and of themselves.
I look to other people and see what I want, instead of looking to Him and appreciating the gifts He has given me already, and asking Him to continue blessing me with more. Instead, I see the orgnized mom on my newsfeed and have caught myself praying, "Lord, make me more like so and so, they seem to be doing such a better job of handling life and you than I am."
Really, gingermom? Really?
Why don't I appreciate the gifts He's given me, and instead look to my peers and wish I had something they possess.
"You shall not covet your neighbor's house, your neighbors wife, or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor's."
I think it's easy sometimes to not even think about that scripture when we are scrolling through our newsfeeds and seeing something that someone else has; and that includes character and personality traits.
I've found myself recently desiring to be or oganized; which is a good thing, don't get me wrong. But, a sin creeps in when I see friends who I perceive to "have it all together" and think they are somehow a better version of who God wants ME to be.
That is simply silly.
God wants me to be who He created ME to be; not who He created my friends to be. He created each of us with unique and different interests, and the fun thing is when those interests point to Him.
Imagine a world where people lived fun, thrilling, beautiful lives and they all pointed to only HIM. Oh what a world that would be. Artists, writers, actors, government officials, athletes, mom, dads, business owners....simply every single person pointed to God in their strengths. Oh it sounds magnificent to me.
It's not real, obviously, but we can start enjoying that here in this time! That is what God wants for us.
He wants us to embrace the great, good and perfect life He has waiting for us in heaven. He wants to start filling us with those promises here. It's only a small taste, but we can taste it here.
And oh, I want to taste it.
But, I want to taste mine more than I want to taste someone else's. I want to take the fruit that He gives me and enjoy it for nourishment; not covet the fruit of my friends.
Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
He changes our hearts to what points to Him and then He greatly and abundantly blesses us. We don't often notice our blessings because we are so busy looking at what we want that someone else possesses.
For me, I've greatly desired to become more organized. I know without doubt that God is laying huge things on my heart to do and I cannot fathom doing any of them with as scatter-brained and unorganized as I am and my desk/area are. I've prayed incessantly that He just "make me more organized, you know, like so and so, they seem to grasp something I'm not graspping regarding organization".
And BAM, today, I don't hear a whisper, I hear a full-blown scream that He has already given me what I need, I am just not leaning into Him; instead I'm desiring the strength that someone else has.
Oh, that was a sobering moment.
But, I needed it.
I heard Him, too.
I can do what He has laid on my heart to do in the near future, with or without stellar organization skills. Yes, those skills would benefit me, but He benefits me much more. I must wait for Him to instill some type of orginzation in me without wanting to be someone else in the process. Anything I do, it needs to point to Him.
I want everything to point to Him. Why would I want to gain the trait of someone else when that trait wasn't specifically chosen for my life as good by a righteous and holy God?
I don't. I want to live for Him. I want to live well for HIm. I don't want to just strive to live a mundane copy-cat life; I want to live to thrive in Him. I can only do that with the traits and gifts that He has blessed me personally with.
Are you doing anything similar, friend? Are you looking at your friends, your newsfeeds, and wondering why someone else has some gift that you wish you had?
Rest in Him.
Let Him change your heart and give you the desires of the new one.
You are less than only Three.