Loving the Lord my God with all my heart
6 years ago my life was in complete opposition to where it is now. I was in the lowest point of my life; and desperately searching for love. Today, I know that God invites us into a love relationship with Him, and it’s His love that fills us; but we must ask Him to come into us. I didn’t have this knowledge then as I do today. I thought I did. I thought I was saved. But the truth is, I wasn’t ready for Him to come in to my life. I wasn’t ready to give my life over to Him.
I realize more and more each day what an amazing, merciful, rich God we have. Every day I stumble and every day He lifts me back up; never because of something that I have done but because He is a faithful and trustworthy God. He has promised us since the beginning that if we would just humble ourselves and call His name, He shall be there for us; heal our lands. What an amazing promise. How amazing that He loves us so much that He will step in every time. He is faithful whenever called upon.
That realization is so comforting to me today. When I look back at so many moments in my life when I could have simply called upon Him my heart hurts. My heart aches for the mistakes made; the lessons learned that could have been avoided simply by calling out His name. For so long I actually thought I was loving Him, and still couldn’t understand how He could allow the things He allowed. I looked at my life, around the world and all I could see was heartache, lives being destroyed. I cursed him at times, although I didn’t even know that was what I was doing. I wanted so desperately to blame someone for my life; for the trials I endured. Who better than the all-knowing, all powerful God to step in and “stop” my hurt.
What a selfish mindset. How self-centered for me to think that this God who I had cursed, who I had spat on, one whose laws and commandments I broke with my every breath should come in and “fix” my life. Yet, I never asked Him to. I never vowed to live my life according to His purposes. I never promised to love Him with my whole heart, keeping His commandments at the center of my life; but I wanted desperately for Him to come and change it.
Christ asks one thing of us, to “love the Lord our God with all our heart, with all our soul with all our mind,” (Matthew 22:37-38) yet we don’t want to live our life the way He says we should. I know I didn’t live like this. I know I wanted Him, claimed Him as my savior but never once tried to change my life. I never once tried to bear His fruit, allowing Him to harvest the good from me.
How we are living our lives is a true testimony to whether we have the love of Christ in us. Not whether we say we love Him, but whether we are willing to admit that we cannot function without Him; that our life is nothing if it isn’t revolving around Him. So many people are lukewarm today; they say they love Him yet their life doesn’t resemble any of His commandments.
I don’t want to live like this. I want His love to shine forth from my very existence. I want everyone to look at me and see someone different than the rest of the world. This is my vow to Him; to love Him so deeply that He can change the deepest parts of me.