The chaos a day can bring, or the peace His love can bring

People ask me on a daily basis how I survive through the day with 5 kids. Heck, there were days when I only had 3 and was asked the same thing, and I've come to realize with each new blessing that has been added to our family, that it's not the number of children that make life stressful, it's simply life. We're fooling ourselves to think that a mom with 1 child has it any easier than a mom with 18 children. Children are children, and life happens whether you have 1 or multiple. Now, that's not to say that having multiple children doesn't create a dynamic in a home that a family with less could never understand, that's completely true! Each of our lives is different. Each of our days unfolds differently. 

And shouldn't they? 

Wouldn't it be a pretty boring world if every single person lived the same monotonous life, day in and day out? If there were no surprises, bumps, cracks, gaping holes in our lives, where would all of the growth come from? 

My days are filled with these cracks, and those gaping holes, and it's within those crevices that I find the strength to push through the day. Not because I have 5 children, but simply because I have children. Yes, my life is crazy, CRAZY, and I'm sure there are a ton of people who wouldn't trade my life for anything--and that's ok; Because I wouldn't trade my life for anything. I love this life, even within those dark, dreary crevices. 

I find out more and more about who I am within those crevices; those cracks and holes of my life hold amazing opportunities to learn from Him. 

I look back on the past few years of my adult life, well I suppose my entire adult life, and I can honestly say this is the first time I can truly, without question say that I am happy. I am happy, and things are not perfect in my life. 

I am happy within the long and broken crack of my life that we are currently in, and I love it there. I love the strength that I have to find within Him because I have exhausted everything and can give no further. I love that feeling of knowing that my future, it's set. Nothing that happened today can change that future He has for me. No mistake I make today, or hole that I may fall in can keep His plan from becoming my reality. He has promised this life to me and when I walk in that promise, I can grow wings and soar like an eagle. 

I love depending on Him, finally, for everything, and not myself. 

It's difficult, to wake up and give it over to Him. I found myself for the first few years of my life as a Christian thinking I had to set special time aside for Him, had to rise at they wee hours of the morning and do all of these things to follow Him properly. 

Misery came from those feelings, not wings! I wanted the wings, I wanted to fly high with Him.

As I ponder that question, how do you survive your day, I find myself shouting, because I have my best friend by my side. Each and every moment, I have Jesus by my side. All of a sudden, the barrier and fakeness I had put up around me has crumbled down around me and in place of it came a true and passionate relationship. One where I make no excuses to Him, put on no fronts or shows. I come to Him each moment just they way that I am, and I ALWAYS feel adequate. If I am truly in His presence, I am at peace in my day even if I am failing a million times. And I mean FAILING and I'm ok to admit that. 

I'm comfortable admitting when someone asks how I get through my day, that I don't get through my day. Honestly, if it were up to ME, I'd probably run away multiple times a day to a deserted island that served copious amounts of Merlot. BUT, praise God from whom all blessings flow, it's not me who gets me through the day, it's Him. Because if I ran away to that island, I'd miss the most amazing life ever. MY LIFE. 

And so would you my sweet friend. I know how you're feeling today. The kids are already fighting, the laundry needs to be started, breakfast may still need to be served, YOU my sister may even still be in your Jammie's, and that's ok. 

It's ok because those things will get done, your day will end the way it was meant to, with you tucking your sweet blessings into bed tonight and all of the cares, the pain and heartache you felt today, it will pass away with a peace that surpasses all of your understanding.....THAT PEACE IS HIS PEACE. 

I live in that peace, as much as I possibly can. And hope you do too sweet friend. That peace is so much sweeter than the dark place this world wants to keep us captive in--a dark place where we think we're doing nothing right.

Don't stay there! 

Rest in the peace that you were chosen to love those littles of yours because of who you are to them and to Him, and that is amazing! 

Don't miss out on the little things of today, the messes and the mistakes, they help you grow I promise, and they help you live in that peace! If I didn't have that peace, I'd have missed these wonderful moments this morning

She was being the silliest little flower, making the cutest little faces at the camera. I was cold, maybe not in the best of moods yet, and this little girl helped remind me of His peace, and we had the best time snapping these pictures trying to get a decent one of us, not blinded by the flash 

A flower, a broken wrist

My day starts at around 6:45-7 each morning and usually steadily pushes on until about 10-11. Long days filled with crying, screaming, poop, toys, diapers, laundry, homeschool, laughter, smiles, giggles, kisses, arguments and sheer craziness! There are days that I lay my head down at night and truly have to breathe a sigh of relief and just thank our God that everyone made it through the day alive :) 

I didnt used to like to blog about the ins and outs if my days; I was always really terrified of the person who would ridicule my parenting or judge my skills as a homemaker. Well, that person said goodbye in 2013, & this year is the year that I begin to FINALLY find me! 

So, with that being said, I'm going to share the story of little flower, Lily Grace's fall and subsequent cast. 

It was 2 days after Christmas and the kids and I decided to go into town to shop at our favorite store--Walmart of course, (I actually seriously hate this store but I seem to spend a ridiculous amount of time there, anyone else relate?) and we ended up getting the wrong thing. We did not realize we had bought the wrong game system (we were buying the new skylanders swap force for our little skylander for his birthday which was a mere 11 days following) until we returned home, a good 12 minutes from town. Keegan was ready for nap, desperately, I was too honestly, and school still had to be done. So we all decided to lay Keegan down, finish school and then head back into town. 

So we did this. I loaded all 5 kids back up in the car and headed back into town when Keegan woke from his nap. I decided to make one pit stop at the goodwill, I wanted to pick up a hooded sweatshirt for Jordon which was the one thing he asked for for Christmas and I had yet to find. So, we all head in, and unbeknownst to me, the goodwill doesn't have normal shopping carts with a child seat, oh no no. They have instead, a cart with 2 baskets, 1 on top and 1 on the bottom. So, I figure, we're not going to be there long, so I sit Keegan in the top basket, and head through the store. We score the sweatshirt, and a plastic doll house for 3.99, I was not leaving the store without it, and a stand up blender for stupid cheap. We proceeded to the checkout, me pushing a cart with a baby, while wrangling 4 other children around my heels. I needed to push the cart out of the store because I didn't have enough hands to carry the bags, Keegan, and maneuver the kids through the parking lot that seemed to be more packed as we were exiting the store then when we had entered. 

So, both girls stepped into the bottom basket and held onto the stop, the boys held onto the sides, and I held keegan in the top. We were headed down the handicap ramp from the sidewalk into the parking lot when the cart HIT A POT HOLE AND COMPLETELY FLIPPED ON ME. It was crazy! Obviously it was from the weight of the girls on the front of the cart, I realize that (please don't feel the need to point this out, I'm well aware that I could have potentially stopped this horrible accident had I simply not put the girls in the bottom basket) but I never imagined such a thing could happen. 

I flew over the basket, Keegan fell out and Hayley and Lily Grace both got stuck under the cart. Lily Grace's hand broke her fall we think and that's probably how she broke it. 

2 ladies came over and asked if we were okay, which I know was very kind and they most certainly did not have to stop and check on us. But I admit, I kind of wish one had offered a hand to help me with our stuff to the car, only because that was the only real help anyone could have given at the time. 

But, they left, and I still had to figure out how to get the kids across the parking lot while carrying 3 kids, see God only gave me 2 hands and that didn't seem to be enough in this particular predicament. So, I did what any mother of 5 does, I carried a 3 year old, a 4 year old and. 1 year old across the parking lot with only 2 hands, while my oh so wonderful 10 year old stood on the sidewalk with all of our stuff until I could come back and pick the cart up and get our stuff over to the car. 

The wrist never swelled really badly or bruised, which were 2 signs I was looking for in order to decide how to proceed. We headed home to daddy and after Lily awoke from her nap in the car, although still no bruising or swelling, we decided she should go get it checked. Brian took her because they older 3 kids we honestly quite shaken up after everything and I didn't want to worry them by my leaving. Mom leaving always seems to throw everyone into a panic around here, I'm not sure about at your houses. 

An X-ray and 3 hours at the ER and sure enough, poor Lily Grace had broken her wrist in 3 tiny little places. The breaks are different in small children, as in the bone kid of splinters as opposed to actually breaking, thankfully! So, the Dr was confident it should heal nicely! She will continue wearing the cast until Feb 5, and I cannot lie, it's seriously the cutest thing ever! 

And that's the story about how our little flower, broke her wrist and how her momma realized, these kids will give me a heartache SOON! 

Passion brings peace

As we pulled out of the driveway I felt this wave of pure exhaustion flood through my body. The overwhelming, constant feeling that I was drowning had become so prevalent in my life, I often looked around, it seemed like, aimlessly for my life preserver. 

God has truly come through in magnificent ways and He always tosses a life saving device my way and I am instantly flooded with peace. 

It was that peace I longed for. 

That peace I hoped this weekend away would provide. 

It was that peace that I gained and oh so much more. 

You see, when you love someone you can at times forget that your spouse or significant other needs and longs for things that only you can provide. 

God meant it this way. 

Not in a dependent, can't function without one another kind of way, but in a God gave the two of you to each other to fill things within each other--things you can't fill within yourself. 

Brian fills me in ways that I don't even know I need filling sometimes. I have no question that HE is absolutely the man God wanted for my life to help shape me into the woman God wants me to be. Without Brian, the earthly strength that God uses in His so of perfect ways, I truly don't think I am half the woman I am with Him. I don't see it as a weakness, I see it, him, as one of my greatest strengths. The team we are together, the strength we give to each other, it's vital to our lives. 

I forgot this. 

I lost focus of the strength I could gain through Bri because Bri was going through his own personal fire and he wasn't able to be there for me. We started doing things on our own, and Bri started thinking that if he worked as much as possible, did as much good that was asked of him, any problem that arose could be muffled out by all he had already done.  He, as he relayed it to me, began placing bandaids over our problems, hoping that the damage was never too deep or serious underneath and would simply go away. He hoped that any damage would in time just fade away, as a flesh wound under a bandaid

All the while I am being expected to help in his life, my moms life, my sisters life, my nieces lives, my own children's lives, homeschool, keep up with the house and do payroll and time sheets for our business. Everyone around me seemed to continue to hand me plates and eventually my hands could hold no more plates--and not just one plate fell but a ton fell all at once.. 

So, poor Bri is just focusing on one thing at a time because he's so worried about all of these band aids he's placed over our relationship, and I'm on overload feeling like my worlds crashing around me because my sweet support is unable to be there for me. 

Needless to say, we both stopped truly caring about one another. We stopped caring about our tone of voice. We stopped caring about opening doors. We stopped caring about being helpful, encouraging, going above and beyond even when we're tired and feel like we have already given all we can. 

I'm guilty of giving my kids everything from sun up till sun down--but not my husband. The same is true if you ask him. Sure, we spent time together each night before bed, we enjoyed good days with one another, but we weren't taking the time to have a relationship, a passion filled relationship. 

Our relationship missed passion. 

Passion to see one another after a long day.

Passion to love deeply. 

Passion to give when no more can be given. 

Passion. Not to be mistaken with any kind of sexual passion. 

This is s passion that drives us, a passion that fills us. 

We didn't even realize we were missing it until it was simply not there. 

This weekend brought passion back. A cabin, set in the middle of no where.

A cabin filled with friends. 

A cabin filled with love. 

A time spent on one another, being kind and considerate, loving and helpful. 

A time spent loving deeply and passionately. 

And the best part, after passion comes peace--a peace that comes that whispers, "He has blessed you, appreciate it always". 

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

I Am day 9, I am created to be His vessel

I Am....

Created by the Creator of the Universe, created to be His vessel, used in His manner. 

I am Holy.

I am chosen.

I am redeemed. 

I am a sweet reflection of God's amazing power and I can live an life of abundant blessings when I am living a life committed to Him. I will experience joy beyond my understanding. I will experience a hope for a future, a future in fellowship with Him. 

But, when I allow my mind to control me I fall into a pit, my thoughts taking control like ravenous wolves. I must surrender these thoughts to the One and Only capable of relieving such an affliction. When I am able to do this, my relationship with Him will thrive and prosper in magnificent and remarkable ways. 

We must hold true to the above stated. We are so precious to Him. Once we have accepted our sinfulness, there is nothing that can separate us from Him ever again. After that moment the driving force in our life becomes having an intimate relationship with Him. He fulfills our every desire, our every need. Once we have Him, we have everything. Knowing that truth can be hard in our sinful state, which is why learning to have a relationship with Him is pivotal to our existence. Allowing Him into every aspect of our life--our laughs, our cries, our doodles on paper, our walks with the dog, our cooking, our showering--truly every waking moment. It strengthens us. 

He strengthens us. 

Read & reflect on Isaiah 60:1 & 2

Will you arise and be strengthened by Him in this sin clouded world?

Read and reflect on Luke 1:79

Will you allow the prince of Peace to guide your feet?

I am day 8, I Am a small creature

I Am......

A small creature in a huge world created by God's loving hands. I long to know Him and am passionate about understanding the greatness of God. When I focus on Him, I am able to grasp the vast, incomprehensible, mysterious infinity of God's wisdom, power, presence and love. The more I know about the greatness of God, the more I know the value in the love He extends towards me. There is a joy in my heart that comes from understanding how great He is. 

He has set kings on the throne, set our entire world into existence with a small breath from His mighty mouth, how much more can I trust Him to handle my little 'ol life? He is far more capable at governing my life and the joy that comes from knowing He can handle it without hesitation sets my heart on fire. 

Read and reflect on 1 Chronicles 29:10-13

Will you exalt Him to head of your life? Will you become a part of His glorious Kingdom?  

I am day 7, Understanding His great love

I Am......

A tiny reflection of the amazing power our God has. It's hard to wrap our mind around His greatness sometimes. It's hard to fathom how a real person could have been so perfect, and changed our lives in such immense ways. But, He did. And understanding the incredible love He has for us is pivotal in our walk with Him. We can't place Him in the governing position of our life if we don't know how much more capable He is than we are. If we don't begin to understand just how much power He has, then we can never revere Him and admire Him and trust Him and place our entire life in His capable and mighty hands. 

He reminds us over and over again in beautiful and eloquent ways throughout Scripture that He is the Alpha and Omega, the First and the Last, the great I Am, my Redeemer, Savior, Lord, Provider, Yaweh....the list could keep going and going and going because the truth is--God is exactly who we need when we need Him. He is so great He can be not who a neighbor needs, or who you needed last week, but EXACTLY what we need at exactly the right time. That's what is so incredible, He's not limited in any way, His power surpasses anything we can ever imagine. 

Read and reflect on Psalm 89:15

Will you walk by the light of His face? 

Read and reflect on Micah 7:7

Are you watching? Seeking? 

I Am day 5, Not of this world

I Am......

Not of this world. Living a life consecrated to God can seem difficult at times--especially in a world where we are constantly bombarded with ways in which we can depend on ourselves rather than God. This world pushes "self" and how great we are, what an impact we have, instead of how great He is and what an impact He has. There is nothing in and of ourselves that can achieve greatness--it is through the blessings of our great God that we can achieve what He sees fit. 

Sometimes it makes no sense to us, for His ways are far greater than ours. But we must always hold strong to the truth that He has a far greater plan for each of our lives than we could ever imagine. His plans are overrun by our racing thoughts and by the constant hub bub of this world. But, if we stay in constant communication with Him, surrendering each moment to Him, the overwhelming world has no affect on our life. 

Read and reflect on Isaiah 41:10

Do you feel dismayed, fear the unknown in this crazy world? How do you think depending more on Him can alleviate some of those anxious feelings? 

Read and reflect on Psalm 27:8

Are you seeking His face?

I am day 5, I am not who the world wants me to be

I Am........

Not who the world wants me to be. The world typically doesn't want on fire for Christ Christians--that usually brings about change in people when they are truly around those being led by the Spirit. The ideal Christian in the eyes of the world as a whole is one who ONLY goes to church and is there to come to when there is a crisis because there is undeniable proof that prayer comforts people in time of crisis. To see and accept the total changed person and love them, that is something the world has a tough time doing. But, a true and changed person simply lives their life every day to the beat of their ability, and when their ability run sour it is God who fills then. They love others, they admit when they're wrong, because they're human and wrong often. And they do nothing--not take a walk, a bath, comb their hair, watch a movie, fall in love, stay in love, live life--part from God. 

But, the enemy has blinded us as a whole from the beginning of time and it's only through Christ and the indwelling Spirit that we can regain that sight. Becoming this new person is simple and complex, magnificent and gut wrenching. It fights everything within us naturally to sit back and go with the flow. It sets us on a new path and typically that path is much much more windy than necessary because of that natural instinct to fight change. But change is precious and necessary when we are walking with Christ. 

We should be quick to remember as well that it is not the change someone else deems worthy, but what Christ deems worthy. It is a personal daily relationship with Christ and the Father and allowing His Spirit to convict us when necessary and simply communicate with us the rest of our time. He wants a heart relationship with us. He wants to be One that we can cry to, laugh with, yell at, question, but ALWAYS trust and ALWAYS know that His will is far greater than we can ever understand. This blind trust and true faith is something that is hard to spot sometimes when we are looking at a world so painted with sin. And this world when being painted by the enemy doesn't want a true and honest relationship with Christ because they haven't allowed the true Painter to begin painting their beautiful canvas yet. 

Will you allow Him? Or is your current canvas enough for you? 

Read and reflect on Jeremiah 18:1-4

Will you allow the grueling transformation? 

Read and reflect on Romans 12:2

Will you be transformed and renewed? 

I am day 4, I Am Not

I Am Not......

Sarah is a 29 year old married mom of 4 who just accepted Jesus s her Savior. Sarah started attending a church about six months before her acceptance of Christ and upon entry to church the Sunday following her baptism Sarah felt uneasy and no longer excited about her new life with her Lord and Savior. Sarah was handed this flyer as she walked through the church doors:

“We are so excited about your decision to accept Jesus as your Savior, you are now a child of the King and must continue to show Him that you are worthy. Now that you are saved, please do not speak of your previous life, we do not want to hear about what a sinner you used to be. Do not drink. Do not wear pants. Do not wear makeup. Do not wear two-pieces. Do not ask to lead a bible study, we will ask you if we see that you a bearing the correct fruits. Do not is church. Do not associate with your old sinful friends. Do not associate with anyone not saved."

Obviously this flyer is extreme. I do not personally know anyone who was handed this flyer. But, I do personally know that some of these things were said to me and those I know personally and I have one thing to say--only God can tell us what we can and cannot do and only God can tell us who we are and are not. Opinions and "rules" are thrown out there by each of us, and so often we speak on the basis that we are exhorting some truth that will change their life, when I'm reality we are picking apart their life so that they can fit some cookie cutter person we have created. 

God made Us. God formed us. God is the one that will take our hearts and mold them into the magnificent beating organ that can change lives. Just because Susie next door is terrific at organizing a child's birthday party doesn't mean you have to be. Just because Billy's mom Tonya gave up wearing makeup because she didn't like the feel on her face, doesn't mean you have to. Just because Allison homeschools her 7 children and always seems so put together when you see her doesn't mean she is. The only truth in these statements is that they are true for some family some where--it doesn't have to be your family. 

Let God tell you what activities you might enjoy, let God reveal to you every passion that He crafted within your soul.

Read & reflect on Jeremiah 29:11

Notice how it doesn't say, 'I have plans for you & so & so"--the plans He has for each of us are specifically crafted & chosen by Him for His purposes. We cannot allow others to squash pieces of us that God may want to use for His special reasons. We cannot say what God wants to do in someone else's life. We cannot know what way God wants to us, how can we begin to say how He wants to use someone else? 

The answer, we can't.

We simply can't compare ourselves to others!!! We are unique, one of a kind gems in a rare collection held only by One. 

I am day 3--I am not

I am not....

.................anything that the enemy tries to convince me I am. The enemy is cunning, deceitful, & wants nothing more than to separate us from God & for us to lose all hope in the One who can defeat him. We cannot let Him have that victory. Our souls are not for him to take pleasure in. Our souls were created for a relationship with the Savior, Prince of Peace & it is within a relationship with Him that the enemy has no barring on our life. He is powerless when the power is Christ. 

Use that power. 

Humble yourself before the throne & admit that the enemy has lies that overwhelm you & threaten to steal your joy--ask Him to fill that emptiness. Ask Him to stand you up tall. We tower over the tallest structures when it's God who is lengthening our body!! 

Read & reflect on John 10:10

Do you ever feel as if a thief is stealing from your life? Do you believe God when He says that Jesus came to bring life & life abundantly? Are you experiencing abundant life? Do you think our idea of an abundant life & God's idea are the same?